A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Well let's see where shall I begin...? I stayed anonymous because I've wrote here before just don't want anyone to know me.... well I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years, I live in M.O. just moved here 6 months ago from S.C. which is where me and my girl lived together. I moved here with my mother to help her out with things.... recently my girl came to live with me about 2 months ago.... it was going ok for about 2 weeks than the same old drama stuff, we go out and I can't even look at someone without her thinking I wanna be with them... I've been out of love with her for about a year, just don't know how to tell her. She moved all the way here just to be with me and I would feel bad telling her to move back. I don't wanna hurt her but I know it's also not fair to her either becuase she is head over heels for me... she just doesn't let me be myself, she goes through my phone all the time, smells my clothes when I come home like I've been with someone, I can't stand it any more, I feel trapped and miserable....We went out about 2 Fridays ago and she was talking to some people, there was this guy she met that she gave her myspace too, well he found me on her page as well and wrote me a message.. I messaged back and this had been going on for about 1 week... I've told him about how I feel about her and what I've been through recently the past 2 days I've called him and talked to him on the phone, he really seems to understand me and how I feel... he actually listens to me! He met up with me and my mom on Sunday to watch a football game and we just talked and got to know each other, I felt like a school girl, butterflies in my tummy....(Im 22 he's 24)... I was very nervous then he kissed me and I felt this overwhelming feeling in my body, something I never felt, now I know this was very wrong because it's considered cheating but the feeling was so amazing I didn't wanna stop it... now that's as far as it has went but now he is really starting to like me a lot and I have grown feelings for him as well.... I guess I just need some advice on what I should do... I'm scared to hurt my girl but like I said I just don't love her like that any more... I want a man to hold me, I wanna be married one day to a man and have children you know the "normal" life as some people would say.... it's what I truly want in my heart though... please any advice would help me, my heart says one thing and my mind tells me another. You know I feel twisted in so many directions......
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2008): I know this is difficult to do given the circumstances you've stated about this girl "head over heels" for you, but I think you should tell her. The more unfair you'll be if you let this go on with her without actually feeling any love for her. She may have done sacrifices for you, but I personally believe this is the kindest thing you can do for her than cheat on her. Either way, pretending to love her (she's bound to feel it's fake) or telling her the painful truth can both hurt her feelings anyway, so I would opt for the one being true. Yes, she'll get hurt but don't worry because she'll eventually move on. Sometimes we have to be mean just to be kind, you know.
In telling her the truth however, do it as nicely as you possibly can. Don't just kick her out the door. At least out of respect, you can help her move out if you have to.
See to it that you are sure with your decision when you do this. We don't want to have any regrets later on where you might end up imploring her to come back or anything.
Not that I'm prejudiced, but I like your idea of a "normal" life. Good for you! :) Who knows she might realize later on that a normal relationship will be more lasting and will work for her better than the kind of relationship you both had.
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