A
female
age
36-40,
*ayla082584
writes:I have been in a relationship for 4 1/2 years. The first couple of years was great, but the last 2 1/2 years have been hard. It seems like just for me. I have a daughter from a previous relationship. Me and my partner had a daughter together. She is now 18 months. Since she has been born the relationship is not what it used to be. My partner seems to be selfish now. We have to do whatever he wants to do. Only certain people can baby sit our daughter. My parents and his parents. So opportunities to get one of these people to babysit are hard to come by. Well my partner can go and do as he pleases, do what he wants and when he wants. I cannot go anywhere except places where I can take my kids because he will not babysit at all!!! He has never changed a diaper, and he has never kept his child for more than 10-20 minutes at a time. If I want to go and have some quiet adult time he refuses to babysit the kids or get a babysitter. So there I am at the house every single day. I feel trapped, unwanted, and depressed. I have tried to talk to my partner about this but he says I am being a bitch and I can pack my bags and leave if I dont like it. Please help!
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female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (9 March 2009):
 What was he like with your elder child, before the younger child was born? Does he feel overwhelmed now perhaps with a child that is completely his responsibility? You partly raised your elder child on your own, he didnt have to go through that the first time around, the babying etc, perhaps he didnt realise how tough it was going to be and perhaps because youve been through it before he assums (wrongly) that you can handle it yourself- just guesses, i really dont know. he may perhaps feel utterly tied down and is now fighting against the tide to get out of the house and be on his own - yet by doing so is making you actually trapped when you shouldnt be at all. If you have tried to talk to him about this to no avail you should lightly approach the situation again, but if the situation doesnt change it is not a healthy environment for you or the children to grow in. Is there a way you can make him feel part of teh family unit without making him feel pressure to be there, or some fun days out together you could perhaps partake in to bring some life back into the relationship between the two of you, ut including the children so that he sees his children as wonderful little beings to spend time with and not something to run away from?If you cannot resolve the matter you may need some support yourself, you've done nothing wrong and it isn't right for you to be in this situation, I really wish you all the best, babe. xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2009): He is being very selfish and acting like a child! That baby is his responsibility as well as yours!
You need to find a way to get some time for yourself! Maybe join a gym with child care.
If you can't reason with your partner, there is not much you can do to make the relationship work!
Weigh all your options, you will eventually come to a conclusion!
Good Luck!
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