A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok so I think there is something really wrong with me. I have never had any desire to get married or have a family-I'm 36. For the past couple of years in been fantasizng of changing my identity and leaving my life and starting fresh.... I just feel so trapped and I don't know why....I was with my fiancé for 12 years and then we got married- I was happy just living together but he wanted a wedding and a marriage so I gave in. If I'm honest I hated every minute of it- I hated my dress - even though I picked it myself (nothing looked right on me) I hated the fuss, I hated having our 1st dance and basically looked miserable in all my photos.Even when I got my wedding DVD and pictures I wasn't bothered to look through them or watch the DVD. We had friends come over to see them and they just fussed the whole way through - I couldn't care less. People thought I was strange. Now I had the same attitude when my sister had a baby- really couldn't be bothered with the whole "oohing and ahhing" over my niece- I have no feelings towards her- everyone thought that once I met her I'd get broody but I never did so once again - I'm labelled as "strange"!I don't mean any disrespect but I can't and won't ever understand people's desires for marriage and babies... I see it as a form of "a trap"I'm actually thinking of getting a divorce as I hate being labelled as "married and Mrs." I thought I loved my husband but I can't clearly love him if I'm thinking like this.I envy single and divorced women who go out and enjoy their life.Now don't get me wrong- I have an active social life, my husband never stops me from doing anything but I just can't shake this feeling that I don't want a relationship - I just want to be alone. I've always enjoyed my own company - I'm not a fan of huge social gatherings (I prefer small crowds).I just want to disappear and cut ties with everyone- even my best friends. Nobody has done anything to upset me, I have a good life- nice home, good job, doting husband but I'm so miserable.... Any idea why??
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best friend, divorce, trapped, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 February 2016):
 Is it possible that you are suffering from depression? I think you need to talk to someone about how you are feeling. I really don't think leaving your life and starting a new one will fix this for you. You might like your own company but believe me it will soon get lonely.
I suggest going to your doctor and making an appointment with someone who can help you understand where these feelings are coming from. I think you do love your husband, but this dark cloud that is hanging over you is making you want to leave everybody and just be alone. Please do get some help.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 February 2016):
 I don't think running away from life will "fix" how you feel. I suggest you talk to your husband and maybe a counselor.
Running would be "acceptable" if you did out out of fear for your life, but not because you are bored or want something else.
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