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female
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anonymous
writes: My partner wants a mother not a lover.i'm a very loving and caring person.15 years we have been together,i have done everything for him,and i have had nothing in return.2 years back he got into the gym,and i was left alone at home all the time,i was going to join but he didnt want me too.then he would just come home and sit about why i did everything.out of the blue i met this guy,i wasnt looking but he started showing me attention,and i started a affair with him.I finished it because i couldnt handle it anymore and confessed to my partner,he said he didnt care and didnt go mad i couldnt understand why he didnt get mad,but then he said because he knew he was partly to blame for neglecting me.time went on and nothing change,until christmas just gone i couldnt take it any longer as he is selfish with his money and doesnt give me any for house keeping and if he does i have to pay it back,so i left the bedroom and sleep on the settee.we decided to live seperate lives until he gets a flat which he agreed to.in the mean time i have meet someone else,nothing serious as i think i will be better off living on my own.well now my partner of 15 years wants us to get back together only he said he wont be able to find anyone like me.i'm not prepared to spend my life like this,i cant leave i would if i could only i have a son of 13.and he still needs me.i'm trapped in this situation and dont know what to do.
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female
reader, camille  +, writes (8 August 2006):
 You're not trapped, you just feel you are. Leave him, take your son with you and enjoy life on your opwn instead of being used, taken for granted and missing out on all the fun times you could be having. You have given him a number of years, enough for him to change his ways, but he hasn't and he won't. Your son has had a mother and father through his growing up, but the next phase of his life will be very difficult. try to keep everything amicable for his sake. My parents split when I was 13, I was glad as they were wrong together and did nothing but argue BUT I held a lot of resentment for many many years as they didn't talk to me or include me or acknowledge the effect it had on me. Your son will be fine and it's admirable you want to stay for his sake, but think about you too. It's your life, don't waste anymore of it on this man.
A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (8 August 2006):
 This man will never change. Because he's realised you're the best he's ever gonna get, he's come crawling back but his view of women hasn't changed. He still only wants a slave, not a wife and you deserve more than that.
I honestly don't blame you for cheating on him, I think I would have done the same thing too once another guy showed me some attention. The fact that your husband didn't even bother tells me that he doesn't really love you at all. Any loving partner is heartbroken when they're cheated on.
As for your son, he's growing up now and he isn't a child anymore really, is he? He may still need you, but he's no baby and there's no reason you can't look after your son and live a happy life away from his father. Why can't you leave and take custody of the child? Don't be unhappy just for the sake of somebody else. Trust me, your son will thank you for this. Do you want him to grow up anymore thinking this is the way women are supposed to be treated?
I really feel for you and I hope you find the strength to get away from this man. You seem to have taken the leap to move on but he's trying to drag you back into that rut again. Don't let him: you've done the hardest part so move on and find someone who makes you happy. Good luck
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