A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am going to be 44 soon and doesn't have the looks of 44. I look much much younger to my age. Infact people mistake me to be about 25 to 30 and unmarried. I am married and have 2 sons though.My sons are 21 and 17 years old now. My husband is 8 years older to me.Though our marriage was mostly because of his interest in me,it only spoiled my career and life as he was never responxible in life. Now his earnings are meagre and I have to take care of the family.As long as I was at my in laws place I was always humiliated for not changing my husband. I tried to keep everyone happy at home and took care of my ailing mother in law for 18 years.Initially my husband had a job, but after 6 years of marriage the company was closed and he lost his job. He never tried hard to move further and I was blamed for it.I know I am not to be blamed as I always tried to boost him.He never took me seriously.Now I moved out of my in laws place to a separate city and am working hard to make the ends meet.My husband suspects me for my online freinds and text messages which are simple good morning and good night messages.It hurts when he speaks filthy language if I doesnt show interest in sex. His touch stopped arousing me now.I just cooperate only not to spoil the atmosphere at home. As I look youn many young guys try to make freindship with me.I am a freindly person with a smile always on my face. I cant be serious.But when guys make sexual advances I take back. But some times I get so tempted to accept that I fantasise them while having sex with my husband. My present Boss though doent sit in the same office or city is also interested in me and try to call me to Head office now and then though not very necessary. During my stay there he many times tried to have sex with me. I find hard to avoid as I cant lose my job at this juncture. I am on contract and not even on roles. He knows my necessity, and I know his family. He is 10 years younger to me.I dont want to spoil his life by complaining. I take him casually and try to avoid and advice him without raising my voice.But he truly loves me and always support me in my job and tries to comfort me on phone whenever I am tensed with my sons and my husband. He is freindly with my husband also and I too speak to his wife now and then.Sometimes I want to givein to him as I feel he takes more trouble for my comfort, career and future than my husband. He also follows my sons career and advices me on their education.I cant divorce my husband as it will hurt many. My parents are old and are heart pateints. I know he cant take care of himself and his smoking will soon land him in health problems. Its only me who can take care of him in his old age.I cant be cruel to him now and divorce him.But I feel the need of a comforting sex where I can I can hve my heart too. Need your advice
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2010): The irony of the society.
The reason of not earning by a man is very important here.
The answer given by an anonymous male reader below is notvery correct that there are many womern not earning and men take care of them. In Indain society Men are meant to earn and take care of the financial needs of the family whereas women are meant to take care of the house. But when women started earning and support the financial needs of the family they are not equally supported by the men in turn at home for the household works. Moreover an extra burden of meeting the deadlines at office and financial needs at home is loaded over their head. Still they have to be always giving and be always smiling.They have to fulfil the sexual desires of the man who nowhere is suprerior to him.
If all this was spoken before marriage and told that she has to work to feed herself and kids it is still understood.But when she was not told before marriage and slowly the burden was thrusted over her and he takes no pain in earning enough. then how can a woman adjust for it. Still if she is pitying him and not leaving him alone is it not a big adjustment from her side.
In the process to keep herself motivated in the not so motivating atmosphere is it not correct to have a sexual indulgence with other man. If this is cheating then what is that the husband has done. No talks work on a lazy and dependant husband. He is addicted to a thought that he is superior whether he earns or not.He has the right to wake late and to enjoy news paper and tv programmes while his wife is toiling in the kitchen and running to catch buses and taking care of children and their education.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2010): My advice is thatstory that you wrote is common and there is nothing to justify that you start cheating thoughts. if you want to lose all that you have done, only then follow your desires. I as Men desires to have sex with any women that i can get, but it does not mean i try for it and all. i am loyal to my conscience and family wife , kids and all and i can not cheat them all for 10 minute pleasure.follow you conscience. it has already questioned you on thought itself. believe me the grass is not as green after you go ahead further. you will never come out guilt and and self steam loss is lost. you can never run away from yourself and your GOD and your conscience. it will be killing. not so earning HUBBY is not some thing to write here. There are so many wives not earning but husbands do take that as reason for cheating. family adjustments are common and they are the only one in the world for you and your kids - no one else. so all you did was fine and justified.
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A
male
reader, RyanS  +, writes (3 July 2010):
 I can understand what you are feeling. All these years have gone by, you have done your duty towards parents-in-law, husband, and even raised kids to mature age, and now you find yourself asking this question: I have done so much for others around me, but I have not experienced fulfilling sex in so many years and soon I will be 50, which will make it even more difficult. Trust me, many people are in your situation. They are all feeling: what about my desires? You have many years ahead of you. If you are really unhappy with your current partner, find a new partner, but do it "formally". Please don't do anything behind your husband's back, because it will antagonize your kids too.
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