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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I feel quite at distance from my emotions and people in general. I want to stay away from getting hurt as much as possible and i feel that most people out there are going to hurt me in some manner. Please advice... Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2007): I had, and have this problem too. It's because I had an emotionally barren home life full of strife and fighting (and some love in between). To survive, I learned to bottle up or ignore my fears, and the cover it up with a lot of thinking real hard, escapism, masturbation, risky behavior, drinking, etc. According to some of these self-help books, that's pretty common, especially for guys.
Maybe you got hurt pretty bad, and learned to survive by keeping the fear at a distance.
If you want to have a chance at happiness, you have to work this stuff out. Good luck brother.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2007): I would say to not let anyone get close and hurt you. This is the most enjoyable way to live life. Use others to gratify your own desires. Everyone is a tool and exists for YOU. Become the absolute ruler of your own life and yourself. Don't let others tell you how you should live and what you should do. (Including me)The best way to live life is to do EVERYTHING that you want. Live it to its fullest. Gratify every possible desire that you have, and you won't be a 50 year old fundie regretting all the things you didn't get to do! Go man!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2007): I think you could benefit greatly from therapy sweetie. Your symptoms resemble that of anxiety and/or depression disorders and you should not take those lightly; because they could become worse with time and really keep you from doing a lot of normal things in life. It happens to all of us. We trust and get betrayed over and over but you have to understand that you are in control. You can use those experiences to be careful in the future.
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A
female
reader, Butterflyfly  +, writes (6 September 2007):
 I feel that if you're too cautious not to get hurt , you're only building yourself up a solid mental prison form which is hard to escape.. take the risk of getting hurt, go through that learning process, open yourself up to more people, see if it's really that bad to take emotional risks. you could connect wiht manypeople and you could lose connection with even more. but i'm sure you would have learnt more about how you are and how things are and how others are by opening yourself up a bit...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2007): Be cautious, not closed. The hurt is something you can avoid at least partially, by being more selective, but not over-selective! as the fronteers can be very delicately broidered sometimes. Fear of receive, experiment or express feelings and emotions is not healthy, may they be love, anger or fear itself, is in your case probably due to sensitivity. There's always risks that we may be disappointed. But there's as well the possibility of in time knocking onto what we've always wished for, provided that we make the effort of searching and that we arm ourselves with a bit courage. You don't express emotion because you are afraid you will be rejected. Caressing, smiling with kindness... don't supress them if you feel like showing them. You don't want to live in a shell, you want people to actually know who you are... what you do, how you are like! SOME will like it, I assure you. And it's really worth having them around. Something must have happened in the past? Let it stay in the past, and win over it. Maybe having dealt with disappointment back in time, it's like a mechanism of defense, the disadvantage is that not only it will protect you from bad incidents, but also from good happenings! wouldn't that be a pity... If we're talking about love relationships, it's a risk you have to assume. Any relation can be in danger of fading once it's not properly alimented with care and so on or the other discovers somebody supposedly better. But hiding emotions will not build you up a new relation and definitely will not strengthen the current one either! So... courage, dear.
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