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female
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anonymous
writes: Well this probably seems trivial to some people who are in pain due to rejection but this has made me feel quite sad. I met a man and had a date with him. It went really well and there was a definite connection and chemistry. It took a lot of patience to wait for the next date which was a long time coming, he did ring once to say he was missing me and then he finally rang to make further arrangements. At first he wanted to meet at 9.30pm the same night but I said no I would rather leave it until earlier the following day. I couldn't really speak for long because I was at work so I said to call me the next day to make arrangements. No phone-call came by lunchtime so I just texted and said pick me up at 8. By 7 I still hadn't heard anything so I left him a voice message saying that I wouldn't start to get ready until I'd heard from him. Still in my dressing gown and resigned to the fact he wasn't going to get in touch he called at about 8.20. I made a joke and said he was in trouble and did he get my voice message? At that the phone went dead and 10 minutes later he was at the door. I went to the door but didn't let him in on account of being in my dressing gown. When he saw me he looked as if he couldn't wait to get away (I had my hair done and looked quite fresh). I asked again if he'd received my message and when he said no I stupidly asked him why not. At that he said he didn't know how to pick up his messages. I then said give me half an hour and I would meet him somewhere. At that he said I obviously wanted a man who was more reliable and said Goodbye. This was a real blow and I felt awful, tried to call him and even (I know, bad move) rang his door bell to try and explain myself. He is totally ignoring me, I know it is nothing to do with how I looked because I probably looked a bit better than on the first date, I do know he didn't like being told off though even if it was in jest. I feel terrible. Is there anything I can do?
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female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (25 April 2008):
 Adding to the inconsiderate is failure to communicate. This is a man who you would struggle with on that level as well. I am sure he felt humiliated that he didn't communicate with you but maybe he figured you were going to do all the work in the relationship. He's not a good catch for a couple of reasons beyond poor communication and inconsideration...a gentleman does not call you for a 2nd date the day he wants to see you. He should still be trying to impress you and he should give you adequate notice AND he should be planning something special. I know you are feeling bad, probably more about chasing after the fact and not the real rejection but just dust yourself off and move on. Onwards and Upwards.
A
female
reader, bemused  +, writes (24 April 2008):
 Look up the words inconsiderate and selfish in the diciontary because that sums up this guys behaviour to me and you are beating yourself up over it. He treated you shoddily and with no consideration. Sounds like you were kind of wishing on a star, putting all your eggs in one basket for this guy and I think he knows it...hence his cavalier and dismsssive attitude towards you. You mention there was chemistry and connection...sadly I am thinking that perhaps the chemsitry went to home base on that date and he may have gotten what he wanted. If I am wrong here...I apologize. From all you have said here though this is not your match in heaven my dear. There is someone out there who better suits you. It know it probably hurts a bit but get out there hun and show the world all you are. Do not put so much stock in immediate chemisty as it can blind you to incompatabiltiy in other areas. If I were you I would match his behaviour and put him low down on your list of priorities. You can do better. Believe in yourself and good things will come your way. Good luck hun
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