A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I have been together just over 10 years. Last year I did what I shouldn't and had an affair. The affair has ended now but I still have feelings for the woman I was seeing. I am back with my girlfriend and still feel confussed. My girlfriend and I have lived together for the entire time and she has always worked from home but mearly makes ends meet. The problem for me is that to make as much as she can she focuses on her work more than the relationship as well it has effected our love making. I believe that's why I wondered. As far as a gorlfriend she is helpful in meals and kitchen stuff mostly. I do all the other chores plus I have a full time job working graveyard working anywhere from 8 and a half hour shift to eleven hours a day. The relationship has been very workable as far as us keeping it together, but she has a little annoying habbit of verbally cutting me down when she doesn't hear what she wants to hear from me. I feel stiffled. What the heck should I do. I wanna run but there is so much time between us and I don't want to leave her high and dry. Help not sure if I should just move on.
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female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (27 June 2009):
Thinks of it this way: any woman that has been with a man for 10 years and hasn't left him for not marrying her probably doesn't really feel that he's the one for her anyway. Cheating on her just to feel the void of your own insecurities was wrong and you obviously don't want to be with her. Do her and yourself a favor and end the relationship. If you don't love her and only stay with her because she makes you dinner, then you probably shouldn't be together.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2009): Wow, ten years is a long time, and I think that means something. What you should try and do is take your gf out on a really nice date, fill her with many compliments, and make sure you tell her that you love her. You should be upfront with her, and tell her how you feel, about her not making enough time for you, and that you feel awful when she cuts you down. You should tell her that you are still attracted to her, and want to get "back in touch" physically again. See how she reacts, and see if this makes a difference. Remember that jobs should come second to the priority of love, that is... if you really love someone. So maybe if there was a way you could work the day shift opposed to the graveyard shift, it could change things. Having opposite schedules is very hard. Another thing, is try and go out as a couple more often, or encourage your gf to go out with her friends more often, so she can loosen up, have some fun, get out of the house. While she is gone, you can relax and maybe surprise her, by helping her clean or pickup. Then,when she gets home, she will be happier in general and hopefully very happy to see you too!!!Even though it may be difficult to afford, try taking a weekend getaway to somewhere together. Canada is beautiful, so think of something, surprise her, and take her there. If you can work things out, I think it is well worth the try and the wait. Do not tell her that you cheated on her... just don't do it again, and save her the heartache. After you have both put in some effort to work on your relationship and you still hold strong feelings for the person you had an affair with... then, you think about seperating and figuring things out.
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A
female
reader, laura585 +, writes (27 June 2009):
It's better for you to leave her high and dry and hurt because of the truth, then to drag her in the dirt because of a lie. Does she know about the affair? If so thats probably the reason for her insults. You hurt her, she wants to hurt you back. If you dont know if you should move on or not, and are thinking of straying then go. Dont be a low-life and cheat on her again. You need to take responsibility for your actions. It's not her fault you cheated on her, its yours. You need to man-up and accept the fact that your needs have changed and she is no longer who you want to be with. Be honest with her, it will hurt her but she deserves the truth at least. Give her the chance to move on and find someone that will make her happy too. If you stay with her and continue to cheat you will just break her spirit. You dont want to be responsible for that do you? 10 years is a long time, but it doesnt mean you're stuck there. It's never too late. Good luck to you and to her in the decisions that you make.
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