A
female
age
41-50,
*ibob
writes: I will try to make my post as short as possible. I was on training abroad for one month. There I had a brief affair with a staff of the University. On our first date, he took me to a hotel. I was a bit reluctant but I finally agreed as I knew that it could be our first and last day. So, we made our way to the hotel. Since, I knew very well that he did not like spending money, I told him that we would share the cost of the hotel to which he agreed. Well, all I can say is that he has been very selfish once we were at the hotel as he was only concerned about his own pleasure. I think mine did not count a lot for him. The next day, I wanted to give him back the whole amount of money he spent at the hotel but he refused and said he would think about it and tell me later. I was sure he would not take any money with me. Before I left, we met for the last time but we did not go to a hotel. He raised the money issue with me and he said that I should give him whatever amount that I would like. I was upset and finally, I just handed over to him all money he spent at the hotel. The problem is not the money. I feel bad because he never cared for my pleasure at the hotel and on top of that he took money with me. Right now I still undecided. On one hand I want to tell him that he has used me and on the other hand I don't want to demean myself
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affair, money, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, tibob +, writes (5 August 2011):
tibob is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for taking the time to reply to my question. All your answers have helped me. The two anonymous persons are right. I allowed this man to use me but the real problem is that he used me for his own pleasure. Thanks to the others for understanding me and for your advice.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2011): I agree with the other male anon. You didn't get used, you willingly participated in the "using" of yourself and now you are complaining after the fact.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2011): How did he use you? You agreed to consensual sex with a man you never even went on a single date with. If you don't like it, stop doing it. Date first and wait until you are in a relationship to have sex.
I'd move on...you already demeaned yourself. Next time be more realistic about the consequences of your behaviour.
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A
male
reader, GoodDog  +, writes (4 August 2011):
 Don't be too hard on yourself about it. We all make mistakes and if he goes around doing that to people then I hope he believes in "what goes around comes around" and maybe one day someone will use him and put him in his place!
Just try and forget about it now and look ahead. What you did wasn't a bad thing - it was just one of those situations you found yourself in and couldn't have known the outcome. Happens to lots of people all the time.
I wouldn't bother getting in touch with him - someone like that probably wouldn't be affected by what you say anyway.
Look after yourself!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2011): I agree that it's best to view it as a lesson learned and move on.I would also say don't let it get you down, then start looking for another man to have a fling with in an effort to get over this incident. I've seen women get into a vicious cycle that way.Just my opinion.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict  +, writes (4 August 2011):
 You just have to take this as a lesson and move on. It'll do no good to tell him because he propably won't care since he didn't care about your needs before. The only benefit you'll get is that he'll know that he was selfish. But it propably won't affect him because he won't care anymore. So just move on from it and maybe try going on old fashioned dates in the future.
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