A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Please can someone point me in the right direction, I feel so miserable all the time because I haven't been with anyone for going on 3 years now.I'm on several social networking sites and people are always leaving comments about how I look but I'm thinking they must just be messing around because if that was true why am I on my own still? I've been used for sex quite recently because I was looking for attention from a friend and now I feel even worse. What can I do to possibly help? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, bemused  +, writes (4 January 2009):
 Hi hun
Funny that I was just talking to a younger gal...your age the other day about the very thing of which you speak. She finds the guys her age( and yours) pretty insenstive and is burning out of dealing with the whole thing. Like you she is attractive and articulate as I can tell by your letter. Sounds like you may just be in a dating slump..we have all been there. Excellent advice from Satindesire about maybe considering guys a little older...late twenties and early thirties. Do not beat yourself up about getting physically intimate too fast...it is human but I would not suggest you make a habit of it. In the long run it will erode your self esteem and you will feel used. I also agree with the other reader that although nature adbhors a vacuum...being on your own is ok. I suspect that the amount of time you have been without a relationship is the issue here...we as women need and enjoy that male presence but I fear that your hunger for it has led you into the wrong arms. Apart from your quest for a relationship ask yourself what are things that you enjoy, that matter to you. Romance often does seem to come when you are immersed in something else that matters to you...volunteering at an animal shelter, helping out at a soup kitchen..one girl I know volunteered at the er of a hospital and loved it. Her compassion and care shown through and caught the attention of a young intern and they are now together. You need to show the world what is unique and special and about you...it may not happen right away but someone will notice. The problem with social networking sites is that there are married people on there and other people who will hurt you...I would keep my distance. Get into life, stop looking and I would think, in time romance will come. Also, travel is good. Hope this helps hun...keep us posted.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2009): Thank you for your replies, unfortunately the one I get used by is early thirties and not available. We've know each other a long time now and felt we totally trusted each other about everything and remain good friends.I think he believes we are helping each other rather than just him benefiting. I cave in because I need that bit of time just to feel needed. I've tried meeting people in all places or even people i've known many years in hope that a solid friendship would work but it obviously doesn't.Thanks again for your help though x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2009): I understand how you feel. After I broke up with my ex I took break as well for 2 years, then I craved attention like yourself and I too was used for sex. We attract men like that when we are vulnerable and needy. Come to terms with what happened, realize that when we ask for attention, we sometimes receive the wrong kind of attention and change that by changing what you ask for first. it is ok to be by yourself for a while, it's good for us, we learn about ourselves and we realize what we really want. dating sites are fine but get to know people as friends first. take time to get to know each other, find out if you like each other "as people"...... then.... if there is chemistry...... go slowly, no need to rush things:)
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A
male
reader, Western3589  +, writes (3 January 2009):
 Next time you're with a guy make sure you don't give your body away until you know he wants more than a physical reletionship. Try some dating websites or town events. Your friends, if they were your friends would not joke about your beauty unless they meant it. If they would it's time to find better friends.
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