A
male
age
41-50,
*ingleDad
writes:Hi. I could really do with some guidance and advice.I'm 31 and have a little boy from a former relationship. He is nearly 3 and the best thing in my life. The other best thing in my life has just broken up with me, because I have a child.My partner was 23. Now I know straight away most of you will be thinking that either I am a fool for going out with someone so much younger or that it was always going to happen so what should I expect! Well, I guess both of these were right but I loved her nevertheless... and I know that she loved, and loves me. But I know that it wouldn't have worked out. She was clearly in a different place in her life than I was.We had been together for 2 years but had split up several times during that 2 years, mainly because I felt that it wasn't going to work or because we had different views on things... and also because i wasn't truly over my ex (the woman I have a child with).We had a very passionate relationship. The chemistry between us was incredible and the physical side was fantastic. We were also very similar in many ways which led to some great times but also us frequently being infuriated with each other.We cared about each other enormously but it is clear to me that is wasn't going to work. She ended it this time because it had become clear to her that she couldn't handle being with someone who had a child. She would never be the centre of everything, I would always have other comittments and responsibilities. My son stays with me at the weekends and that too would ahve an impact on our lives (this girl and I did not live together... we actually lived in different cities approx 1 hour away).I know she was right, I know that it wouldn't have worked. I know she drove me mad sometimes and often when I thought about the future I couldn't necessarily see her in it. I also know that I still have feelings for my ex partner who is a truly wonderful person, an amazing mother and so so supportive. So overall, this relationship was never going to work and I gave it everything I could, even compromising on how often I saw my son and answering her every call and text.She was beautiful, but I am also attractive (not meaning to be big headed). What I mean is, I am not sitting here thinking that I didn't deserve her or that I will never find someone else attractive... although I do wonder if there will ever be someone with whom there is so much chemistry and this worries me.What I am struggling with is how awful I feel right now. Despite everything I have said, despite knowing that this was the right thing, despite frequently thinking I had made the wrong decision being with her, despite still having feelings for my ex and often wondering whether I should give it a try with her again... despite our views on things being different, despite my friends thinking that our relationship was a mistake... despite all of this I still feel like my heart has been ripped out.I feel so low, so rejected. I feel like I may never recover.I know that I need to give myself time to get over her and, once that's done, see if there is anything left with my ex and if not, grieve for that relationship fully and move on.All of that makes sense in my head but I just can't see myself ever getting over this currently. I know I will... I hope I will... I've read so many "how to get over a break up" websites. It all sounds so sensible but it feels awful. I feel like I have lost the most important person in my life... how will I ever find someone to replace her? Will anyone else feel differently? Is my beautiful boy going to stop me ever finding happiness?I just feel so raw and scared and lonely.What should I do? Is this normal? Please, any guidance or suggestions or help you can provide would be so helpful.Thanks and sorry for such a long, rambling question.
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a break, move on, my ex, split up, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2008): I have to wonder why you keep focusing on women in your past, rather than looking to the future?
What happened between you and your childs mother the first time? Why did it end? What has changed since then?
You wonder how you'll replace your girlfriend but then go on to say you're going to see if there's anything left with your ex?
I think you need to be by yourself for a little while. You need to examine your previous relationships, what went wrong, what areas you were incompatible and think long and hard about what kind of person is best for you.
I get the impression it is not either one of the women mentioned in the post.
Don't settle for less simply because the task of finding something right seems daunting.
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