A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been married 10 years no children (I'm 36) and since I met my husband (until 2 years ago when I started studying to change my career) I have worked full time in a well paid marketing job - a job which left me stressed and unfulfilled but I paid my way and contributed fairly to bills. I have moved house several times particularly over the last 5 years to follow my husbands career and always been the one picking up the pieces in terms of organising things. I decided to do the career change because I had put my life on hold and my husband appeared on the surface to be supporting me. Then the jibes started - sarcastic remarks about why I needed a car if all I did was study all day..... so I sold it. Then when I borrowed his car he would get annoyed and make it difficult. I became isolated moving around not seeing my friends any more. As I was not working I tried to keep costs down with clothes and food - then he commented I looked 'cheap' and 'frumpy' and that he didn't like the food I bought. So I bought some new clothes and increased the food bill. Please note that this undermining is a layer on top of the fact his family think I am not good enough, have hoped for 10 years we would divorce (his mother particularly) and that I am 'lower class' and they perceive themselves to be 'upper class'. My husband has taken their side and not backed me up. However I am hurt by his latest action. Last night he was working on the computer and then presented me with a spreadsheet of all the direct debits he had made to my bank account (our accounts have always been separate) over the last two years and in his words "this was to demonstrate the TRUE cost of me changing my career" i.e. all the things he has had to give me money for to pay the bills what would normally have come from my salary. I cannot believe he could be so horrible. His mother never worked, his sister in law does not work and my husband earns a huge wage and it was me that suggested we take a smaller rented property to ensure there was no impact. I feel so insulted and disgusted that he puts my 'worth' on a spreadsheet. This is someone who thinks nothing of spending £500 on his own clothing. I have realised that my career hid a lot of very negative aspects of my marriage and that now I am vulnerable and dependent on him he is being abusive. I feel like I want a divorce I am so unhappy. Am I over reacting ?? Has anyone else out there been treated like this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): if you feel this way then divorce may be your way out. he disrespects you, put a price tag on you and perhaps shows you no love and affection(?). if you have done all you can in this marriage yet your relationship remains the same or worse then yes divorce is key here. you have started building a career so in the end you will have this to fall back on. you have no kids so maybe it will be "less painful?"
in the end his mother and family members can have him. if he values you so little then he will not miss you when you are gone. its time to take back your happiness and work towards you becoming financially fit. its time to cut your marriage umbilical cord. it is sad but necessary.
good luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): This is not a fake post thanks. I placed this question and its genuine - it may sound unbelieveable but not everyone is dishonest. If anyone could help I would be grateful. Many thanks.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): i cant advise you much. you can say to someone leave him, and they would think your jealous and want their man all to yourself despite telling them your marrried and NOT INTERESTED, of which they wont believe you OR you could say to them, do as you want to do, which is what i think i will say in your particular case. truth is a REAL MAN wont treat you that way. a REAL MAN ensures your happy and trusts you either way. abuse is so not part of love at all. also a REAL MAN does neither you have mentioned above. are you really that desperate???? thats a question only you can answer to YOURSELF. in the end DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO!!!
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