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female
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anonymous
writes: I feel so insecure. i'm depressed most days, don't want to go on medication. live with bf with his son and mine. Life is tougher than i thought it would be. I wish i hadn't given up my rented house so soon.I don't feel like the same person who walked through the front door. I love him to pieces but he is so up and down. He hasn't said he loves me in days, he used to say it several times a day, text me loads and even get round to emailing me at work. I just can't concentrate. i hate the way i feel. I got so independent on our own, now i feel like a damp piece of lettuce. How can i get my confidence back? help!!
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male
reader, Learning2Love +, writes (22 November 2006):
 I'm glad you decided against medication, cos all it does is dull the pain and leave you feeling worse when you come off it.
I'd say that you first take control of your emotions, going thro this yo-yo effect can play havoc with your self-esteem, he might be having a bad day and then your's is ruined (men usually don't talk about their problems - so you won't necesarily know why he's acting the way he is). And anyway no one single person should have that power over you.
Secondly, after you've 'sobered up' sit down and discuss with him what could be causing him to behave this way. But only do this if you've sorted out your feelings and can distance yourself.
Thirdly remember that depression is a choice (I know it sounds like I'm over simplifying it) but think about it, you have control of the degree that which something or someone will affect you. When I've been down I've tried to ponder on things that bring me hope or joy and stayed away from things that make me wallow, at least until I can deal with them in a more sober light. Try listening to some upbeat music(NOT LOVE SONGS!) I personally enjoy whistling or humming, it's a natural pick-me-upper. Dress up in something that flatters you. One of the most effective ways to improve your self-esteem is to help others by complimenting them or by helping people with their problems, just like what I'm doing.
God bless.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2006): Perhaps you can visit your GP who can put you on antidepressants. That sounds like the best thing for you at this stage.
It sounds absolutely crazy but a really great way to regain confidence is to keep your chin up, and keep a smile on your face!
This sounds even dafter but when you're out and about wear bright colours; it sounds awful but it does work! Say hi to people you don't know and walk with a bounce in your stride.
It sounds like silly little things; but silly little things can make a difference and help your confidence soar! :-) XxXxX
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