A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband of 20 yrs visited a prostitute, how do I handle this?My husband and I have been separated for 9 months, he moved out 3 months ago. I had told him that I needed him to share himself with me, that I needed him to talk to me, make me feel important to him, love me as much as loved him, and that I could not live without these things anymore. I gave him the ultimatum knowing fully that I could lose him, but after 20 years of begging him for but not getting these things I was desperate - I needed him to understand.He told me that he did not think he loved me and that he wanted to be apart for a month to sort out his confusion. After a month he still did not want to discuss anything so I left him to ponder. I found out two days ago that he had visited a prostitute twice in the last month and a half. I was devastated, I felt betrayed, angry and that he had degraded both me, our son and our marriage. I have never felt so hurt in my entire life. I called him and asked him to come over to talk about it. He told me that he had not had anyone to talk to, that he felt that I did not want him and that he needed a release - the acts meant nothing to him. It was just sex. I cannot understand this, I was also feeling lonely and that he did not want me but I talked to friends and saw a councellor - why did he need to see a prostitute? I told him that I could not forgive him and that he had killed any chance of us getting back together again.I had noticed that he had been looking at a lot of porn on the internet - I understand that this is a contributing factor in this type of behavior.I have told him that he needs help as he is participating in self destructive behavior and have told him that I will help him get help but that this wont change my resolve in ending our relationship. I still love him but can't get the image of him with this faceless woman out of my head.Am I doing the right thing?
View related questions:
moved out, porn, prostitute, the internet Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2007): Hi,
Firstly i am so sorry to hear of your situation life is hard even after deceit my husband started off watching an odd porn show here and there not that much really but i felt that led him onto wanting the real thing! he went on to use saunas then private flats where whores sell their wares they advertise in Scotland from a local newspaper you buy here and there are literally thousands selling themselves for £50-£250 to get laid and whether the client is married attached it makes not a jot of difference they are only interested in their money take solace from this a prostitute is in it for the money they are sad human beings when you think how degrading their work is entertaining young to old men (mainly old) and lets face it men get their ego boosted out this it gives them the high they sadly feel they are lacking do not worry youself over any slut they are dirt remember that they are not worthy of even bothering about scumbags i call them they give woman a bad name they all deserve to get infected with HIV every last one of them as in the biblical days they should all be cast aside on a island like the lepers thats where they belong they have no place in society mindless scumbags remember that that will keep you sane! Now to deal with hubby yes he has a problem now it maybe only once or twice he has went but when men realise how easy it is to get a whore they go back for more and they get addicted! costing their sorry ass a fortune now you see the man here is not thinking with his brain but his dick !! he needs help as this will lead onto him seeking them out again and again you see they cant believe how easy it is to buy and remember that it is the sad bit as he is buying to have sex who does that?? sorry men thats who so he needed to feel love why did he not return back to you and rectify all this he is the one with the severe problem dear not you he needs to wake up smell the coffee tell him you want him commited to you 100% or he can go once you give them an ultimatium they come back with the tail between the legs you can be sure of this stop bowing down to him stand up to him he has to see another side to you he is maybe boring to your constant agreeing with him i would turn this around and be quite defiant tell him you want to waste your money on whores who have been with loads of men and who have no respect for anyone you would rather be with that than me then go be with them go ruin your life as you aint taken me there with you go go go! he will have a change of heart in an instant you see he has been found out so it no longer becomes attractive ask any man that has been with a whore half the excitement comes from the planning it to going there lets face it any guy who gets plessure from a scumbag must have deep physcological problems either stemmimg from puberty or in some other aspect of his life this is not your fault please believe that it is his!! so give him the them or me ultimatium see what he does i will check back see how it all goes . One other thing please get your health checked out remember we are dealing with lepers in this day and age and lepers carry diseases so please get checked out .
Jay
A
male
reader, home_land  +, writes (2 April 2007):
 hello.
from your way of writing ,i can tell you that you are woth a lot but you dont see that ,you cant make him love you the "way you want"some woman ask their husbands or bf .tell me that you love me?.and they say it ater comes tell me how much you love me? can you tell me why do you love me ?i feel that iam not good enough for you and he answers i dont know what to see .and it end like this you said this you did that and argents the man leavs home becouse he dosent understand .and "YOU" give him a"ultimatum"so what kind of war are you leding here,please go and find some proficnal help for both of you and try to save what left in your relationship.
good luck
...............................
|
