A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:OK before i start i want to thank everyone for taking the time to answer my question. Ok my boyfriend for 10 months recently dumped me about a month ago. He said i was too controlling and i didnt trust him. Before this huge breakup i dumped him 5 other times for various reasons. I always took him a back a day later. (We were best friends for 2 years and were in love for 7 months before actually dating). This summer a girl who was at his college started flirting with him while we were dating and i got really jealous. Our recent arguments were about her hanging out with him to much. She admitted that she liekd him and she even tried to kiss him.i told him i didnt want her around him and that he had to choose between me and her becuse i had enough of her trying to get in between our relationship. I became insecure because i was cheated on in my past relationship. So the day he broke up with me we argued about her texting him and saying she loves him and she misses him. He told me that we argued alot and that he thinks i don't trust him so he has to end the relationship. He later informed me that he started losing feelings for me about 2 months before he ended it. He was also talking to both of his ex's AND this girl. I also caught him telling my friend i was a bitch and a whoe after an argument but he never had the guts to say it in my face. Months before he dumped me he was also telling my close friends that he wanted to dump me because we argued alot. However he never said this to me. I feel really betrayed that he'd get over me while we were in a relationship, talk to this girl who was his "friend" behind my back and then breakup with me after i tried really hard to change. I really miss him and i just want to get him off my mind. I already blocked him on facebook, aim and i deleted his number and text messages. We were going to be friends but 5 days ago he was being extremely rude to me after i sent him an apology letter for breaking up so many times. He didn't even reply to my letter that i worked so hard on...and kept saying he was "busy" when he really wasn't. I texted him out of curiosity to find out if he read the letter and he told me he did. But he never replied to it.When i confronted him about not replying he told me he was busy and didn't want to argue. He didn't text em since that day and neither did I. What should i do? He's moved on and i'm here with my heart broken. I can't help but feel that our relationship really didn't matter to him as much as it mattered to me. How do i get over him? He's made it seem like the failure of our relationship is all my fault and he had no part in ruining it. He's killed most of my self esteem to the point where i dont know if i deserve better.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2011): it sounds like he fell out of love with you a long time ago and wanted to end things with you long before he actually did.
it could be that because you were cheated on in the past, you became paranoid and thus controlling or over possesive with him. and this drove him away from you. the part about you breaking up with him 5 times and always taking him back says a lot. You must have put him through emotional roller coaster hell if you broke up and took him back 5 times!! And this is when your relationship has only been going on for 10 months!! no wonder he coudlnt' take it anymore, it's like yanking him around. If you're gonna break up with someone, then break up with them. to break up then take them back, then leave again then come back again - this makes people doubt you and be unable to trust you.
but unfortunately many guys are cowards and hang onto a relationship with someone they don't want to be with UNTIL they've already lined up a new relationship. maybe they just want to ensure they always have someone to sleep with, or they think it's not manly to be single it's more manly to have a girlfriend. it's sad but lots of guys stay in relationships that they don't feel any commitment to anymore whatsoever and that's why they can get involved with someone else behind your back, it's because they long ago already wrote you off in their mind they're just too coward to say it to your face.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2011): I think you both made some mistakes. First of all if he cared, he should realize it is kind of a big deal for him to be hanging around a girl that says she loves him. Even if he isn't doing anything wrong, he has to see it from your perspective. In a relationship it's not only about you. On the other hand I could see how a guy would get so fed up with someone that is always questioning him. It gets really old, especially if you really are innocent.At the end of the day, the both of you were not in a good situation. Why would you even want to stay with him if you had to question him every moment, or worry? That is unnecessary stress.If it is meant to be, it will be. Do not contact him anymore, because he has already shown you that he isn't willing to be respectful and respond to the letter. Focus on getting making yourself feel better right now. Do positive things for yourself, have fun, maybe try to work out certain insecurity issues you have. Somehow it is always when you figure yourself out that either the guy comes running back, or you find someone that may be better for you:)You need to really be honest with yourself and figure out if you want this guy to begin with. I am sure everything will go well. Peace and Love
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