A
male
age
36-40,
*ucascain
writes:I'm currently at the end of my tether with my relationship with my girlfriend. I'm 25, she's 26. She has two kids, a 9 year old girl and an 18 month year old son, both to different Dads.We've been together for two years now, but in the last few months I've become incredibly unhappy. There are a few reasons for this. Firstly, we hardly ever get close to each other anymore. We're more like friends than anything else. The ONLY time she ever kisses me is when I'm leaving on a night (I don't live with her as we're much better off financially if I sleep at home during the week), and then it's only a quick peck. Also, our sex life hardly exists. We might have sex once a week if I'm lucky.She is also a very highly strung person, and loses her temper very often. I understand the pressures of two kids can be stressful, but she takes her frustrations out on me mainly, even when I'm trying my best to help. She shouts and abuses me verbally. She's also physically attacked me on several occasions when we argue. Let me add also that I've NEVER, and would never lay a finger on her, and she knows this.We hardly ever spend any time together on our own either. The kids stay at their Grandmas/Dads most weekends, but even then my girlfriend will insist on having her mates round (who, may I add, are 95% males). I've told her about this before, and even threatened to leave if we don't get any 'us' time. She concedes that we should spend more time together, and we might do it for one weekend, then it goes back to normal.She also doesn't appreciate anything I do for her. I mean, I'm a 25 year old lad who's got no strings. I have three brothers who are constantly asking me to go out with them, go on holiday with them and what not. I'm starting to watch my brothers live their lives and am becoming envious of them. I mean, I could easily be living a care free, exciting, fun life like they do. But I chose to stay with my girlfriend and her kids because I love them. And there's the key word, 'chose'. I don't have to be with her, acting as a Dad to her kids. I don't have to receive my wage on pay day and give IT ALL to her so she can buy food, pay bills etc. But she makes it out as though I SHOULD do. For instance, today was my pay day. After paying all my personal bills, I was left with £700, which I gave to her. I was left with £9 in my bank for myself, for a months worth of work. Her response when I gave it to her? "Where's the rest, I thought you was getting a £300 bonus this month!?!?" No thank you, no smile. Just a nasty look in her eyes.I don't know how much more I can take of this. I feel like my life is passing me by. These should be my happiest years, yet I'm constantly down in the dumps, hoping that things will change. Things were never like this to start off with. I don't know what's changed.I suppose the main reason I won't leave is because I'm scared of seeing her with someone else.
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male
reader, lucascain +, writes (15 July 2010):
lucascain is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI thank you with all my heart for your reply. I didn't expect such a decent response to my problem.
Everything you said is true. Reading your response has made me well up with tears, because it is so painfully accurate. I guess in my heart I already knew what the response to my question would be, yet I'm so horribly ignorant to face the truth. I know what I need to do, and that is leave. Yet why do I find it so incredibly hard to put into action. I almost feel like I'm abandoning this woman and her kids when they need me.
You are indeed correct, in your assumption that I have a very low self esteem. My previous relationship lasted 5 years, in which time I was cheated on several times. I can only suggest that my self esteem comes from this relationship.
I'm hugely grateful for your reply - you've not only made me realise what needs to be done, but you have lifted my spirits and hopefully have given me the strength to concentrate on myself and my own happiness. One part of your reply which really stands out for me is when you said "This is your life and your happiness". I don't want to look back in 10 years and wish I had done things differently. Now, I just need to grow a pair and do what's right for me.
Thank you very much.
A
male
reader, lucascain +, writes (15 July 2010):
lucascain is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI thank you with all my heart for your reply. I didn't expect such a decent response to my problem.
Everything you said is true. Reading your response has made me well up with tears, because it is so painfully accurate. I guess in my heart I already knew what the response to my question would be, yet I'm so horribly ignorant to face the truth. I know what I need to do, and that is leave. Yet why do I find it so incredibly hard to put into action. I almost feel like I'm abandoning this woman and her kids when they need me.
You are indeed correct, in your assumption that I have a very low self esteem. My previous relationship lasted 5 years, in which time I was cheated on several times. I can only suggest that my self esteem comes from this relationship.
I'm hugely grateful for your reply - you've not only made me realise what needs to be done, but you have lifted my spirits and hopefully have given me the strength to concentrate on myself and my own happiness. One part of your reply which really stands out for me is when you said "This is your life and your happiness". I don't want to look back in 10 years and wish I had done things differently. Now, I just need to grow a pair and do what's right for me.
Thank you very much.
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