A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for almost 2 years, 6 months ago I started to have an affair with an older man - I was very good to him, and I know he was completely infatuated/in love with me. I withdrew completely from my husband for the time the affair was going on both emotionally and physically so I know I wasn't meeting his needs.My husband discovered the affair 6 months ago and I moved out to stay with my parents. I begged to get him back and said I would do anything do so so. My husband still says he loves me and wants to get back together but he can't forgive me for what I did.He said he is going to sleep with many other woman to get over it, and he wants me to help him. So we have had a few threesomes with another woman and he is still looking for more. I know he is constantly looking at internet porn too.I broke it off with the other guy in a really harsh way but a month after I broke it off with him I slipped up, I called him one night and didn't talk. He turned up at my house and he talked to me and we sort of hugged. I told him we couldn't see each other any more because I was trying to make it work with my husband. It was very, very hard with me because I still have amazing feelings for him but the thought of how it was hurting my husband stopped me from doing anything. And of course I told husband immediately.The next day he turned up at my work and my husband confronted him they had a little fight. I left the confrontation with my husband but I knew that I still had amazingly strong feelings for the other guy, mainly caused by what he says to me, he knows exactly what to say to reel me in.I can't help but feel that my husband is now just completely using me for sex and to sleep with other woman. We have started spending the weekends together but this feeling is still in my mind. I have moved into a flat and he is planning on spending new years away from me and other holidays etc. I have done so much to show him I am sorry and humble myself and do anything to get him back.. staying outside our apartment, letters, sex, everything... Should I keep trying or is this whole thing a joke? I know that my husband is the better man and I want him so much more, but he isn't really the same man anymore, is there hope at all? I'm not a patient person and this is very hard for me...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2008): well i have just ended it with him, I tried my hardest to get through this and show my love for him but it was eating me up inside, couldnt sleep couldnt work... he told me he wants to sleep with 8 other people (i had slept with 7 before we were married - young and stupid) and that he wont be able to get past it until he does that
i told him its not going to work, i cant handle it, how does he expect to build a marriage on this kind of pain. i dont know what i am going to do without him though
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): You don't seem to know who you love more, your husband or your lover? It seems to me that you're staying with your husband because of the security and you would jump at the chance to be with your lover if he offered the same.As for your husbands behaviour, to an extent it's understandable, what else would you expect after you cheated on him? People get damaged, traumatised and badly hurt after they've been cheated on and they change who they are; in the case of men they're pride and ego also get a heavy beating thus the reason why he sleeps around so much. He probably lost all respect for you, but is conflicted because he also loves you thus the reason why he's still with you.However his actions are still unacceptable, if he was going to cheat on you it would have been better for you to both try and work things through some other way or a separation as being together will only hurt one another even more, especially due to the way he's continuing he's being very self destructive. No matter how many women he's sleeping with he's never going to be satisfied because they don't really mean much to him, whereas the woman he loved betrayed him first.
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