A
female
age
36-40,
*love4eva
writes:As i was writing a response to a girls letter in much of the same situation as i was in 4months ago it made me want to reach out for help too. As i said, 4months ago was when my problem arose, i came clean to my best friend at uni that i had feelings for her and later on this developed to love but i was rejected due to her being keen on a guy here and her hoping she would get a relationship from him, plus she may be curious but i dont believe she is bisexual. As her best friend, she still confides in me for all her problems but shes been having a serious one involving this particular guy who came onto her when she confessed how she felt about him. He isnt persistant with her however and it chokes me up to think he is using her. The problem is, when i told her i was in love with her i told her to stop doing anything that might lead me on (i have to explain that i have known this girl for 2years and for the majority of that time we would makeout on a regular basis as it was fun and meant nothing to either one of us until i developed feelings towards her then i had to stop as i would feel used). She's been drunk a few times and in a stae of upset when the guy rejects her advances for a night she comes to me for comfort and im willing to dish out teh hugs to my friend but when she kisses me it kinda screws with my head. How am i able to tell the girl i love without sounding jealous that she is wasting her time and losing her self respect over this guy? She, unlike me, would take anything he throws at her - even though i deal with the consequences afterwards from her dejected self, she keeps trying to pull this guy and he takes it when he wants it. I cant understand how he can behave so shit to one of his best friends and im not allowed to say anything to him because she wasnt meant to tell anyone what they had been doing. Hes my friend too but to be honest its my girl i care about and if she gets screwed over with this guy i really dont know if i could be held responsible for my actions. Do i say something? Who do i say something to? and more importantly what should be said? I'v altready asked for her to stop telling me so much as i just cant take it and sometimes she forgets who she is telling and doesnt realise it hurts me to hear about him using her when i know she deserves so much more. I love her like crazy, she is in my thoughts night and day and i just want to protect her from all the confusion and pain shes been vulnerable too. I just want for her to be happy and i know she isn't at this moment in time. How do i get her to move on and stop wanting this guy? How do i get over jealousy? How do i get over her? any answers would be most welcome as this whole thing is really getting to me and effecting everything i do.
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female
reader, 1love4eva +, writes (16 March 2007):
1love4eva is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you very much for your logical reply. I really needed to get another persons perspective on the situation and since reading your answer I have talked to her about the matter at hand and we are working together to resolve it. I dont want to lose her as a friend and she said that's the last thing she wants too. We're going to review our actions and I'm being helped with my jealousy. She understands that he is using her but she's resigned herself to accepting that as she wants him so much. I guess my best option is just to be there for her if things turn ugly and try to move on now that I realise we will never be anything more than just friends.
A
female
reader, sunshine99 +, writes (14 March 2007):
 Who we fall for cannot be controlled, whether opposite sex or same sex. Unfortunately if you show your jealousy and try to turn her against this guy, she will end up resenting you or worse you will lose her. You must state that you care deeply for her and will always be there for her and just hope that she finds out quickly what this guy is really like, but just be there for her. Good luck
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