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male
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anonymous
writes: I hate myself for liking girls... it was so easy until i was 17 I just really wasn't interested; in my own little world. I had hormones and certainly found girls attractive but I never felt any compulsion to check them out as I passed by or to even give any notion of having a girlfriend a second though. Now I'm in my 20s and starting to feel really empty as if something's missing. I have spent a large amount of time living by the philosophy don't meddle with things you don't understand. Ergo "I don't understand women so I have precious little to do with them." I'm getting thoroughly confused with my own feelings about the whole thing. I feel very alone somedays but I can't in good conscience drag someone else into my pit of misery. In other words if a significant other would stop me feeling bad that would be great, but if I hooked up with someone and still felt the way I do now I'd just be wasting their time and risk hurting someone. Furthermore it seems rather shallow to get involved with someone for such a selfish end.I loathe myself for feeling the need for people when I used to be content an island; Why did I have to change?!? I loathe myself even more for letting what appears to be something so trivial bother me. I've been isolated for so long I don't feel comfortable around people. I don't want to fall in love with someone I wouldn't be happy to marry, but the idea of being a husband (and maybe even a father fills me with dread.) It's not as simple as others impressions worrying me, they don't and couldn't know the state i am in on the inside so they couldn't judge so what I'm really asking here is. Has anyone else found themsleves in an identity/existential crisis and found a way out? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2006): Everything is trial and error. If you don't take the risks, then you will never ever know what could have happened. That is the game. EVERYTHING you embark on is a test of your wits, 'luck', timing, skill and overall talent.
To answer your question - "Has anyone else found themsleves in an identity/existential crisis and found a way out?" - all the time. Every day, BUT I don't allow it to consume me. I have much more important things in my life to put effort and mind to.
Individuals make themselves who they have become. It's all about will power and solidity of the mind. You said you isolated yourself from people. Heck, I feel like I am the only person in my world, yet I still have friends/family that I see and connect with. Maybe these people are figments of my own conscious and sub-consciousness. Who knows? [grins]
You said you don't want to fall in love with someone, get married and having a family that you might dread being a father. Who said you HAVE to be a dad? Who said you have to get married? What IS marriage? It's a piece of paper that says you get benefits from the government as spouses. In reality, it's as frail as any other relationship. Guess what? It's even more frail than corporate relationships, where thousand page documents are drafted up and contracted between parties.
The concept of having someone with a similar mental state as you, or someone that isn't but you're interested and adore, close to you, comforting you and vice versa is great. However, then of course, all the draw-backs like the 'randomness' of a person's moods, the chance of external temptation, lack of judgment, financial woes, etc, etc, etc.
You spoke of change. I doubt you changed. You probably and simply suppressed your fantasies/temptations of having someone warm you up from the inside out. It's just probably that you have found a great bond with being stronger than what you perceive as the weakness of everyone else.
[wink]
You don't need to understand women. Women isn't a thing. Women is plural for many womans. With this said, all you 'need' to do is understand a woman, and not women. Just like men, people don't need to understand men, just a man that they bring into their intimate lives. When you don't understand a woman, that's when you make effort to understand her. However, that should come naturally. You don't have to understand her completely. It's all about chemistry. You may not bond completely, but you might bond in some areas.
Something trivial you say? Hardly. It's just your quasi-godlike mentality telling you that it is.
It's all about making and creating yourself. Everyone else will either complete or complement you. If you are unwilling to embrace your innate core, then you might as well hide yourself in a cave forever, away from everything that humankind has created - including the internet. [wink]
You also mentioned being shallow to get involved with someone for such a selfish end. Are you kidding me? LOVE IS SELFISH. The fact someone wants to do things for someone they loves is another aspect of selfishness. They simply want to have the feeling that they are doing something that gives their partners or otherwise something that make them feel happy. In turn, this gives you happiness. LOVE IS ALWAYS about getting something in return. Just as hate is ALWAYS about getting something in return.
You try to be indifferent, but love, warmth, hate, jealousy, lust, etc, etc, etc are all part of the human structure. You can't try to not be human, when you are born human and die as a human.
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