A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm currently in a strange place.I've had a history of depression, anxiety, eating disorders etc and I've overcome these over the passed few years and have felt better than ever really making something of my life. I have a good job whilst being at uni but have made some mistakes getting involved with some of the people (real sleezy types) who have been around the office I work at, I have behaved very naively over the time and fallen for some real bad types.I feel incredibly guilty and paranoid that this might be found out by my boyfriend who i've just entered into a relationship with. He knows a few of the people who i've been involved with and says they are vile and 'sleep with everyone'. I have kept it to myself as I know he will think badly of me being associated with them in that way.Since entering the relationship with him i think my anxiety has stepped up and i'm feeling all over the shop again. I'm so worried that things aren't going to work out or he's going to be messing around behind my back because of previous relationships. I feel entirely lost at the moment and very low. I don't know why i fester and worry about everything I can't seem to stop myself. I'd appreciate any help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 July 2016):
 It is good to see that you are aware you are in a strange place, after having a history with your mental health, it is good you notice the signs. Now the thing is you have overcome a lot, which makes you a strong person, but you still look at your past like you done something wrong getting with these "men". Get that out of your head, you done NOTHING wrong, you where single and free to see whoever you liked. You are entering a relationship and being dishonest, and that is why your anxiety levels are increasing, you should be able to tell your boyfriend anything, but you cant because you are afraid he will judge you the way you are judging yourself. You should not feel guilt over the past, you done nothing wrong, if your boyfriend is the man for you he will not judge you, we all make mistakes, so sweetie the best thing you can do is be honest with him, then the worry will go and hopefully the anxiety as well. You have low self esteem and you are paranoid he is going to cheat because off the people you where with in the past, but it is still early days, so take it slow with him and learn to trust him, it may take some time, but you need to try and not judge him with past experience. If you are really low maybe talk to a counselor
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (13 July 2016):
 Maybe you have to realize that you aren't really ready for a relationship right now? That your focus NEEDS to be on you and your mental health?
If dating a guy makes your anxieties sky rocket, it's not a good thing.
Thinking that he will cheat on you is not a good thing either, specially because you say it's because previous partner(s) did that. HE IS NOT your ex. You can't no hold him (or the rest of the male population) responsible for what an ex did or didn't do. It's unfair.
Withholding things from your BF is not good either, while you two are new in the relationship, you want to put your best foot forward, that makes sense, just don't lie to him to appear more "perfect" ( or how you "think" he would want to see you.) YOU need to be YOU. Doesn't mean you have to give him list of all the people you have slept with or interacted with either, just don't lie about it.
When you dealt with your issues did you go through CBT with a therapist? Or did you work on your own? Either way you SHOULD have some tools you need to dig out of the bag and re-use.
So you have made some bad choices, so what? EVERYONE who has HAD a life have made bad choices, some more than others - but IF you can LEARN from them maybe they were lessons you NEEDED. So TRY not to waste time on regrets, they are pointless and will only beat you down. Think of them as lessons. Crappy lessons.
And again, re-think whether you are actually ready to date this guy or not.
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