A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for two years. We do get on great, he's my best friend and we just have an amazing connection yet I always feel like I'm missing out on something. I'm fairly young (19) and he's a few years older. He experienced various girls and the party life before he met me, but I didn't experience any of that and sometimes I do wish I was single just so I could. It sounds silly, but I do wish I could be like others my age as opposed to living with a boyfriend and acting so... adult. On top of that, I find myself missing my first love now and then. We were never together, but we had a very troubled time and it was a lot of drama, after a couple hook-ups we just didn't speak and I partially feel that I haven't been able to close that chapter. We have since spoken on Facebook, but now that I live in another country I don't feel truly satisfied with how it all ended and how I never got to really pour my heart out. I'm just so confused, I feel like I love him but when I think about my first love I feel something different. I find myself looking at other guys too and quietly imagining something happening. I would never cheat on my boyfriend, but I just find myself very confused and unhappy. All my friends from school are out partying and in contact with each other and I'm very lonely as a result. I don't speak to any friends from back home and I haven't made any in this country. I think mainly, I just miss the time when I was in school because I was so free, happy and social. I don't know what to do, do I reach out to pass friends and hope it satisfies my social craving, could that be the real issue here? When I think about me and him not being together anymore, I am upset but I don't know if it's because I've lost my boyfriend or my bestfriend. Either way, I don't want to loose him. I do care for him, but I feel like a failure for not knowing what love is. Should I love him greatly at this point?
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female
reader, MissTellAll  +, writes (8 August 2012):
 Who says you can't have your cake and eat it to? By that I mean sometimes going out with your friends isn't a bad thing. You don't have to be single to go out and your boyfriend should be invited as well! Discuss it with him, because he should understand that you need this little bit of fun and young living in your life, being that you are a little bit younger.
Now, I do see something a little off with your feelings about your ex. I don't think it is your ex that you miss, but more that you miss being romantic with someone who isn"t your boyfriend. When in a relationship so serious at a young age there are going to be feelings of restlessness, and it is up to you to decide what is more important- your love or your restlessness. It seems to me you already know the answer to that.
Best of luck to both of you.
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