A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex-girlfriend dumped me after we started University last November, saying she didn't want to be in a relationship at that time. We were together for around 5 months after a friendship progressed and I had helped her through a suicide attempt and the abortion of a pregnancy from a one night stand before us. She has a history of depression and has been through a lot in the last few years. The break up hurt me badly and we fell out and stopped talking for several months.About a month ago she asked to talk to me outside a nightclub, broke down and told me she still loved me so we agreed to try to be friends again. She told me the next day that she wanted to "be more than friends" but "take things slowly" and not "jump into a relationship". I agreed with all of these. Since we resumed this friendship, many of my friends and family have been against it.I don't feel that I can be 'just friends' forever, though I am more than happy to remain so for now but when I asked her about it, I couldn't get a straight answer. I said that I felt I needed to know we were walking toward something but she keeps talking of taking each day as it comes, not trying to predict the future etc. I feel like she might be trying to give me false hope in order that I stay around and it's starting to make me feel used. She promised to never hurt me again but this is beginning to do so. I don't want to push the issue any further but I feel like she owes me a proper explanation of how she feels at least.Am I wrong?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2010): sounds like this girl has a lot of deep-rooted issues, low self esteem and problems with dependence. u were probablyh the most stable thing in her life during her period of crisis and provided her with some security. now, when life spirals out of control and she doesnt have the skills to cope, she leans on u. if u werent there, how would she cope? thing is - u cant be there because u have your own life and needs. she doesnt want a relationship with u - she wants someone to help her through the rough times and pick up the pieces. my advice is to be nothing but honest with this girl, explain how u want more than to be her security blanket and request that she try to show some respect and appreciation for your own feelings. Im not saying she's a bad person, but she's damaged at the moment and it's not fair on either of u to allow her to turn u in to a doormat.
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