A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year and a half. I love him he's my bestfriend and I honestly wouldn't know what to do without him. We do have our occasional fights (who doesnt) I often don't feel like they are a big deal, but he doesn't know how to approach my problems or how to respond so it often escalates into a huge fit and I end up apologizing and feeling completely misreable. Just recently we got into a fight and he told me that he doesn't feel happy with me anymore. This took a toll on me emotionally, I feel like I can no longer satisfy him emotionally. I feel like our relationship isn't working out because I feel like it's turning into a lie. I want it to work out soo badly. I love him and I want to love him like i used to. I feel like no matter what I do for him right now it's not going to feel real and genuine. I feel hurt and I'm in pain. He's my best friend and my only friend. I am soo shocked by how he reacted to our last fight. He also told me that he wonders if being with someone else would make him happy. When he said that my heart shattered into a billion peices. Now i worry what he actually has in the back to his head. I did tell him how I felt and he responded by telling me he loves me and that we have to move past this, and that together were invincible. I think maybe within a week I could feel better. As of now i'm suffering severely. I texted him a few things that really bothered me that he said and they didnt get resolved. I just ended up severely hurt. maybe I'm emotional. Help what should I do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): When anyone describes their boyfriend as their bestfriend I am a little incredulous. You say he is your "only friend and you can't live without him." It's really hard to maintain that intensity of a relationship with anyone, particularly at your age when you should be meeting other people and forming other relationships.And, you've been dating for a year and a half. That is pretty much the point at which the novelty of relationships tend to wear off.No one relationship can give you everything you need and it's unreasonable to expect it to. No relationship can sustain the intensity of a begining romance either. Perhaps the lie you feel you're living is the belief that he completes you. To be fair, unless you are a well rounded person with other interests and friends, than he will NEVER complete you. He has already admitted he's not happy. That's the truth. He was honest with you. If I were you, take him at his word, give him his space, and more importantly, find other relationships and activites that make you happy. Don't expect your relationship to survive if you keep looking to him to make you happy all the time. If I am describing you wrong and you do have an active social life and other friends and interests, then I would probably consider leaving him. Not for his benefit, but for yours. If he says you make him unhappy, why struggle needlessly believing you can? It's as you said, emotionally exhausting and you will only end up resentful of him. You'll be sad for a while, but you'll meet other people eventually.Good luck.
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