A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I feel like no guy can ever win with me and I am so confused because of it. My ex said for ages that he didn't feel like having sex and although I accepted it because he had been in a long term relationship that he was struggling to deal with and we wanted to take it slow, I couldn't help but feel rejected.Anyway, we then had sex once and the relationship fell apart over the next 6 weeks. He ignored me and when he wasn't doing that he was unkind, irritable and unsupportive. I ended up feeling worthless. I constantly felt like I was being punished for something I had no idea about. It totally broke my heart when he just discarded me like I was a piece of trash, so then I got to thinking I was only being used for sex but then bearing in mind what I wrote above is that true? Before we became bf/gf he said he wanted to be friends with me no matter what which would suggest that he wasn't just after me for sex, but his behaviour since would suggest he was. He was a very rare guy in that he didn't leap on me immediately and we built up the strongest friendship I have ever had with a guy and yet everything suggests he held out to have sex with me and then dump me. 6 months after breaking up, I have tried everything to get over this guy but to no avail. I can't understand how someone who I considered such a good and wonderful friend to me could then treat me like this. His friendship seemed genuine and sincere, and yet almost as soon as we became bf/gf he started being unkind which I can't understand since it was him that was so enthusiastic about us getting together. His ex who he was engaged to be married to had cheated on him and I think he was having a really hard time getting over it, so was he taking it out on me? He has tried to make amends, but I have rejected them as I can't face risking being ignored or made to feel worthless again.
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male
reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (27 May 2007):
 His previous relationship has meant that he is taking out his anger from that relationship and bringing it into yours. This is unfair and unjust and totally wrong.
What you have to remember is that you are NOT worthless, you are NOT a piece of trash; you are are person who has been targeted by someone who hasnt learnt to deal with their inner turmoils yet and is using you as a punch bag.
Move on from this with the knowledge that this was never going to work without him aknoledging his blame and distrust in the opposite sex (not you as a person) and working through it. It may have been too soon for him to jump into another relationship.
You are doing the right thing by ignoring him and moving on as he has yet to deal with the root of his problems.. Your are worth more than him, remember that and time will take care of the rest.
R
A
male
reader, DV1  +, writes (27 May 2007):
 He probably wasn't completely over her, and was trying to fill the void for a small amount of time. I think that he realized the damage he had done to both you and himself, and is probably struggling to deal with that at the moment. He's probably being hard on himself at the moment, so you don't need to. Try and move on for the time being.
DV1
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