A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel like my identity is being compromised. I have no job and I am not in school yet. There is tension in my relationship for a number if reasons. I don't trust my spouse at all. I go through his phone and check online records and have found text messages from girls/ exes a couple of times. What makes the situation worse is his baby's mother lives right across the street and I am so insecure that I have her call my phone instead of his just so she doesn't have his number. Recently she texted my phone saying that he tried to have sex with her. He is allowed to call her but has to block his number when doing so. He has lied to me in regards to a paternity test and I didn't know he was even speaking with her before I moved to this new state 4 months ago to be with him. Confused and upset.. what is your take on this situation?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009): Yes it does! I apologize if I was too hard on you! You need to get back to school/work. You have too much time on your hands to just sit and think! That can make you crazy! As a couple, you need to sit down and talk to eachother. You need to communicate as two adults with respect for one another!
It has to be horrible for you living right across the street from her! What are the possibilities of moving? It would help the relationship a great deal. Not only would you be getting away from her, but you would have a place that could belong to both of you as a couple rather than his place. You have to accept that this child is in his life and will be forever! Try not to dwell on her as much (I know it is hard not to)
Be Strong!!!!
Britt
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionbrit429- we have been together since i was 14 but took a break in 2005 because we moved to different places and got back together in 2007. the baby was conceived during the break. as for the paternity test i just recently found out that he had never took one even though he told me he did( the baby is his spitting image so i have no doubts regarding paternity) i was neevr this jealous before when i was in school and working it just is a whole new ball park since i am in a new town and she lives right across the street. she had his number at first but misused it and would call a whole lot and i know it wasnt in reference to the child all those times. I also think that even if he's not havin sex with her he can be an emotional cheater by talking to her/ or other girls about his/our problems. Does that make any sense?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009): You said you have no job, you're not going to school yet. So I presume you will be going back to school or looking for a job? That will help with your identity crisis.
As for trusting your boyfriend...how can you trust him if he has proved himself untrustworthy? You don't say how long you have been with him, but you have an awful lot of rules and regulations for a couple just starting a relationship...or even just a couple in love! You sound more like a mother than a girlfriend!
He's not allowed to call her??? You make her call your phone cause she's not allowed to have his number, OMG!
That's not a relationship, it sounds more like a prison term!
The Problems:
1)You are making a lot of demands for someone new in town! You need to be more trusting...if he is going to deceive you, it will happen anyway. But what you are doing is making feel caged. The love will die quickly If you don't reach a compromise.
2)He has lied to you about the paternity test, what did the lie consist of...is he or is he not the father or was there or was there not a paternity test done?
Some of the lies may be due to your insecurities and reactions to the girl across the street. The more jealous and possessive we behave the more turned off our partner becomes.
3) He needs to grow up and act like a man! He obviously wanted you there, so why is he trying to have sex with his ex? That's a retorical question...you don't have to answer it!
You guys have serious issues that left unresolved, will lead to the end of the relationship.
And that is my honest opinion; that is "my take on it!"
Good LUCK!
Britt
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009): it is difficult to have a relationship with someone with children at the best of times.trust is the foundation that a loving relationship is based and even though it hurts,you are cheating yourself by staying with some one that you don't trust.know that you deserve better
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