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female
,
anonymous
writes: My partner has never showed any affection or there has never been any romance in the relationship. He is not very thoughtful either. If I'm unwell he doesn't bother asking if I want a drink or anything. Sometimes I've known him not to even kiss me when we have had sex. All he thinks about is himself and as long as I am here to look after the house and make sure things are running smoothly.I went and had an affair because I had enough of it. I never went looking for the affair, but it is finished now my partner forgave me if it was nothing as long as I was staying. Does he really love me or is he using me like if I'm his mum? I don't want sex with him now and my feelings for him have gone. He knows this but still wants me to stay. I tried lots of times talking to him; it goes through one ear and out the next. All I ask is to be happy and I'm not.
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female
reader, shania  +, writes (15 November 2005):
 This man of yours,needs a good kick up the a..e.What a self centred man you have got here! If,like you said,he has never showed you any affection or intimacy etc,then why in the hell are you still with him? You had an affair because basically,he was useless and he took you back because he still needs a scivvy to cook his meals,wash his dirty socks and have a quick leg over when he fancied it.Dont bother with marriage councelling,he never cared in the 1st place.Get your hat and coat and walk away.You deserve better/and you know it.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2005): This is an affair which can only end in much heartache .
You MUST understand that he doesn't really love you and you are only there for his pleasure.
In days to come when you need him he will be somewhere else.
Get rid of him NOW!!!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2005): You two have grown apart and the alienation between you and your husband is so extreme it no doubt seems unbridgeable to you. Something tells me, if you are still there-you and he may have that teeny, tiny sliver of committment that is keeping you both connected. It may not be too late to rekindle the love you once had. However, that requires actually demonstrating affection and getting him to open up and talk with you. Let him know that you want to start over as a couple--and search out a program that teaches relationship skills to couples who are in the same predicament you are. Check out www.smartmarriages.com and perhaps make an appointment to get into marriage counselling with a good therapist. If you want to rebuild this marriage and save it, then you should address your infidelity, since it's the emotional alienation from him that has undoubtedly made you receptive to affection from others and if your marriage stays this way, you will always be suseptible to affairs. Good luck and take care, dear
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2005): well then if he wont listen to you when talking to him write him a note and have some attitude just say what you want to say to him and tell him if he doesnt start treating you like a lady that this is going to be the last time he ever see's you because you need a real man that can spend time with you and cook and clean sometimes for you and give you kisses after or during you have sex you need a real man that will take you out and pay for dinner and open any door for you that you happen to walk through he needs to respect you like you respect him your not his mom your his damn wife so just tell him until you show me your ready to be a real man i wont cook for you i wont clean for you i'll do my own laundry and whatever else for myself cause i need respect!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2005): i had almost the same situation. we ended breaking up, but after that i felt so reliefed and good.. I think sometimes both dont know what they want..
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2005): Re-read your own message. The problem is with you. You need to pull yourself together and find something to make you feel proud about you. If you are so down and uninterested in yourself why would you expect other people to be interested in you?"All I ask is to be happy and I'm not." No one can *make* you be happy. If you have been asking, or waiting for someone else to make you feel happy, well thats not going to happen. Thats not very concrete advice. So here is some: start by taking one day a week off from looking after the house and go volunteer at a nursing home. Not only will you help the residents but you will get some perspective on life. If they had the 20, 30, 50 years of life ahead of them that you do, I am sure they'd have some plans they could share about what they'd do.
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