A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm heartbroken because I feel like my best friend has abandoned me. Why do friends forget about each other sometimes? Is there something wrong with me? My best friend and I are both in different countries and have really busy lives, and I don't expect him to give hiswhole world for me. I've gone for months and months without a scrap of news from him, and he's never answered my emails and he seems to have forgotten me. In the past, he always told me that we would be friends for life, and that I was a special friend, that my friendship means more than gold, and he could never forget me. He won't even answer my emails... why did he say all those things to me, and then hurt me like this? What's wrong with me? Why did my best friend act like he loved me to pieces and then throw me away like garbage?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2009): Same thing has happened to me, It's extremely not understandable. My friend was always a great person to me and has always helped me when needed. We been friends for many years and just recently he has totally forgotten me. He never returns my phone calls anymore, I had a plan to go and meet with him somewhere and he never showed up. He never invites me chill anymore! It's like he has stabbed me in the baack. And I know how frustrating it can be. There is a quote that someone once told me: "Your friends are your friends until they don't need you anymore". And I know It can be difficult to get over but It's just how life is. Just move on and eventually you'll find new friends! I wish the best of luck to you. God Bless!
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2008): I'm a woman and I helped a male friend through an extremely difficult time (the break-up of his marriage). During that time, we became very close. I mean, REALLY close. He called and emailed me regularly. Especially when we were together, we shared deep emotions, as I did what I could to support him, encourage him, or just listen. Now he's moving on (which is great...don't get me wrong). But it's as though he's forgotten about me. I don't want to burden him with my needs, since he's had a much harder row to hoe.
My "needs" pale in comparison to what he's going through. But I still have needs, nonetheless. I'm no less human than he is. And now I'm kind of left behind. He's even started dating. And when he did, he basically stopped contacting me.
I still think about him frequently...every day. And it feels so bad that he's just left me on my own, to deal with the fallout of that terrible situation as well as basically abandoning me and what I thought were close feelings we'd developed for each other.
I should be clear that I have no problem with him dating. I'm not trying to date him. We're friends. I thought what we had was deeper than that, anyway. Now I feel almost foolish. Just a call or a quick email would feel so good. ...Just to know that he's thinking of me. But there's nothing. And since I was the last one to call, I'm leaving it up to him to make the next move. ...And the self-initiated contact just doesn't seem to be coming from him. ...And it's hurting me.
I don't want him to call me because he feels he has to. I thought he'd call because we were friends, he liked talking to me, or he wanted to know I was okay.
Nope...I guess not. :-(
I suppose it's for the best. Eventually, this "closeness" had to dissipate, at some point, right? It was mostly predicated on the terrible circumstance of his break-up. So, as more time passes, I suppose we were bound to "get back to normal". It's just that I kind of felt like we'd developed a greater respect and connection with one another than before that. I thought it would develop into a deeper friendship in the future. I guess I was wrong...or...at least, it was temporary (for him).
Right now, I'm feeling kind of betrayed. I gave him so much of myself. He told (still tells) everyone how "amazing" I'd been for him. I did so much, and I don't regret a second of it. But now I'm left alone. He's moved on as though he's forgetten all about me. I guess that "connection" wasn't as "two-way" as I thought, huh?
I'll still be his friend, of course. But it's going to be weird, going to parties and seeing him socially in the near future. He'll still probably tell everyone I'm "wonderful" and "a great friend," all the while he hasn't even asked how I'm doing...or seemed to care, for that matter.
I'm trying to be understanding. Maybe he just needs a bit more time? But it really is as though he doesn't even care how I am, anymore. I mean...what is that about??? The last email I received from him went on and on about how terrific I was and how great a time we'd had the night before at some event at which he'd asked me to join him. (I had a great time, too! The accolades were completely mutual.) A few days later, I called because I wanted to see how he was doing after what I suspected might be a difficult day at work. He was funny, but a tad distant, on that call. And that was that. I haven't heard from him since. It's so weird going from "you're so great" & "I could've talked to you all night long" to nothing... Did I do something wrong? I wish he'd tell me, if I did. (Writing that has me in tears now.)
I just feel abandoned, I guess. I know he's having a harder time than I am (what with an impending divorce, feelings of loss and betrayal, questioning his own judgment, etc.). What I would want him to know is I have a few needs too. They may not be as grandiose or based in such tragedy, but I'm only human, and need some attention and validation from time to time. I thought we'd become very close friends. Now I feel like all the emtion and "connection" was on my side or imagined. I feel stupid. (Oops. More tears.)
I hate feeling this way. I went from feeling so bad for him, to feeling so very close to him, now to feeling forgetten by him. And that hurts.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everyone,
My best friend wrote me the other day... and he says that he cares about me so much. I never doubted him, but distance can make people crazy. I learned the hard way I guess... but I care about him so much. Thanks everyone once again :)
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A
female
reader, c-wahoo  +, writes (24 July 2008):
I know how it feels to lose contact with someone close to you, especially after they made the comment "you'd always be friends." There is nothing wrong with you because You aren't the one not staying in contact. He is the one who isn't responding so the issue is on his end. Being in different countries can add to the emotional distance along with the busy lifestyles.
My thought on this at this time is that it is possible he has met a girl and his attention has been on her. If it was just work I wouldn't think there would be a reason why he couldn't respond to an email for such a long period of time(depending how long it has been).
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks... I wouldn't wish this on anyone but I don't feel so alone now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2008): i think that he didnt forget u but he's just really busy
sometimes i feel that my best friends have forgotten me or something but then when we meet or chat i feel that they r real friends, and that they never forgot me
be patient, if ur friendship was really strong b4 him moving then i am sure that he's busy or something
FRIENDSHIP IS THE STRONGEST THING IN THE WORLD AND EVEN THOUGH UR FRIEND DIDNT EMAIL U OR CALL U I AM 100% SURE HE'S STILL THINKING ABOUT U AND HE REALLY MISSES U AND CANT WAIT TO GET A CHANCE TO TALK TO U
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