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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I have a hard dilemma! My boyfriend and I were supposed to be taking a week vacation together, just him and I. But he just went ahead and changed those plans on me. Apparently his friends are going to be at this resort where we were planning to go. They are a couple who used to be swingers and some of their friends. I'm not comfortable with these people and the fact they've been in his life for 30 years has always bothered me. My boyfriend used to hang out with them long before I came onto the scene. I have asked him calmly if he ever dabbled with them and he has always said no. But I find it strange that he'd switch plans to hang with them when we've always gone on trips just the two of us. My boyfriend said he'd like me to be around his friends, that this is important to him. He thinks I'd like them if I gave them a chance. I was not into the idea at all and he got so angry with me about it. I feel like he is bullying me into spending time with these people. I ended up telling him I'd go. But with the trip coming up next week, I'm starting to feel resentful towards my boyfriend and I'm not looking forward to it like before. What should I do?
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (22 August 2019):
 Could you, perhaps, compromise and say you will meet with these friends for a day or two if you can have the rest of your holiday as just the two of you, as originally planned?
Just because they are/were swingers, does not mean they will jump on you or expect you to share their sexual orientation. People who indulge in swinging are just ordinary people who are into "different" sexual behaviour than the majority of us.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2019): I wouldn’t go, not if you don’t want to. Why should you have to sit around people that you don’t like.
My husband knows I dislike his parents and I have good reason for this and I’ve just told him I will not be going near them again, no matter how much he try’s to excuse their behaviour I don’t feel comfortable around them and that’s that.
The more I feel pressured and bullied the more I’m going to feel like he doesn’t respect my feelings.
I’m not stopping him from going but I’m perfectly capable of being my own decision maker.
I agree in some circumstances you might go along with a plan just to please someone else but if something really makes you feel uncomfortable then it’s better to say no, tell him to go alone and if you can’t do that then say your not well, he didn’t care and respect to consult you first about the plan so say whatever you like.
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