A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now. This is his first real relationship and we live together. We are passed the honeymoon phase. He used to text me all the time, now I hear from him 2-3 times during the work day. He is really into his hobbies and I feel like he forgets about me sometimes. When I say something to him he says he has a one track mind. Which is true. I'm just wondering if anyone else has dealt with this? Should I just be okay with this and accept it because it's a part of who he is? I love him but I don't want to settle or get treated less than I deserve. He doesn't treat me bad at all but I feel like he doesn't know how to be in a relationship sometimes.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2021): Be his teacher.Teach him how.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (14 February 2021):
 My husband and I only exchange 2, maybe 3 texts a day, and those are good morning, enjoy lunch and home soon. Unless we're both slow that day or something unusual is happening.
We're busy working so not really into texting. Besides, we live together so our conversations are in person.
So, 2-3 texts a day seems fine to me.
Maybe you need a hobby of your own.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2021): Maybe your boyfriend isn't the only one who doesn't know how to be in a relationship. Once relationships become more established, they tend to plateau or become more settled. You grow used to each-other's company.
You can't expect him to behave like you've just started dating forever!
You're still two healthy young individuals; and you have to have your own interests and friends. If you make him the center of your universe, you'll smother him. He will feel the need to pull away from you.
He's got hobbies and work to keep his mind focused and entertained. Maybe you should pursue your own interests or find ways to express your creativity. Find other ways to burn-off your energy. You're always around each-other, so you both need some room to stretch. He can't be too distracted at work, and most employers don't take kindly to personal-calls on company time!
Give him room to breathe and enough space to miss you a little. He can't be your everything. You need to reconnect with friends and your relatives; to fill the idle-time or loneliness. Give him a chance to miss you.
Being lovey-dovey all the time starts to feel crowded and somewhat irritating; when it's just too much of it. Get used to hearing from him less during his workday; and you'll miss each-other more when he gets home. Don't bother him when he's focusing on something other than you. Go find something else to do.
Don't get spoiled! Covid-confinement keeps us practically on-top of each-other all day long! Give yourself a little space and be more independent. You both need other things to enjoy outside of just clinging to each-other.
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A
female
reader, EmmyApple +, writes (11 February 2021):
Without more info it’s hard to tell whether he’s being selfish or whether you’re being too clingy. What you described is pretty common with men and he seems to be doing better than most. My husband for example doesn’t text me at all during the day. When he gets home from work he lays down on the couch and is focused on TV and food all evening. Earlier in our relationship I felt bitter that he never listened to me if I tried to talk to him when he was watching TV. Now I understand that he’s not wired that way and he feels tired after work and needs time to relax and eat. Usually after a satisfying dinner and especially after giving him sex, he is in more of a mood to have sweet talk while we cuddle. I started giving it to him every night and our marriage improved a lot. Just learn what timing works best for him, be sweet to him, learn what he likes and keep him fully satisfied. He will show you more attention.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 February 2021):
 Do you have hobbies or friends or do you rely 100% on him for attention and interactions?
Maybe you need to branch out a little and learn to do your own thing. You two moved in with each other real fast, he still want to do thing HE enjoys (hobbies) and I see nothing wrong in that.
It wouldn't be hard to plan some "at home dates" or outings with each other - doing things together as well as RESPECTING that he might need some "me-time" for hobbies and down time.
Also, He shouldn't text you ALL day while at work, for goodness sake! He is there to WORK, not to entertain you.
My husband works away on weekends at the moment, and I don't really talk to him all weekend. (except for him texting that he made there safe etc. as the roads are shit due to all the snow and ice). It works fine for us, I get the weekend to focus on my hobbies and he gets to hang out with his brother and friends while working. Of course we have also been together for 20+ years, so we are clearly used to each other and the routines.
Sounds like you need to be a little more independent and finding things that YOU can ENJOY in life without having to rely on him for entertainment and attention.
Lastly, it's not "treating you badly" that he doesn't NEED to spend every waking moment with you or texts you non-stop while at work.
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