A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm feeling like such a failure in life. The last time I felt truly happy was 8 years ago and I've been dragging on ever since. I graduated highschool early at 16 and back then I saw a bright future. My grades were good and I'd received acceptance letters from several colleges I applied to. Then my mom got ill. She deteriorated fast so I sought out a college near home and went there. I graduated at 20, but by then I'd already realized I didn't want to pursue that field of education. After working for a year to save up I decided to get another degree. I was still young, I thought I could make it work. By this time my mom had a huge setback in her health. For a while it seemed like she was going to die. This put a lot of stress on us and my dad had a heart attack because of it. He ended up losing his job. By then I'd already completed my first year and I wanted to see it through. But the rest of those 3 years became a drag, with everything at home. My dad turned to alcohol. My mom's mind became hazy because of her meds. My autistic brother started acting up because of all the stress. I cancelled social outings to keep life at home rolling. Threw out the alcohol. Arranged nurses to help my mom. Cook healthy for my dad. I was not motivated at all for school anymore and my grades dropped. I used to care a lot about this, but I stopped somewhere along the way. I also started to realize I bet on the wrong horse yet again, as the industry I'm set up to work in became uglier and uglier the more I learned about it. Now I'm in the last leg and I'll be honest with you: I haven't completed a school assignment in 3 months. I was supposed to complete my final thesis today. I haven't. I've never procrastinated this much ever before. I feel drained even though I've done nothing that explains this. I haven't stayed in contact with a lot of my friends. I forget things I normally keep up with. The little spare time I have left, I spend reading fiction to escape my reality. But today it really hit me: I'm 25 and a complete failure at life. I honestly don't know what to do. I feel so low. I'm crying while I'm writing this. Everyone my age is getting their lives set up. They have girlfriends/boyfriends, a career, a house, good fitness. All of those things were my goals and I failed. I never made time for a boyfriend. I tried keeping up with exercise but burned out quickly or got injured. My career is non existent. I should graduate this summer but I know that at the earliest, it's going to be september. I gave my dad $2000 to help my dad financially. My mom is now in an electric wheelchair and basically paralyzed from the waist down, with little motor function in her hands. I want to live a life, but I don't know how. Sorry for the ramble. I just needed to get all this off my chest. For those who stuck till the end, thank you for listening. And if you have advice, I'd like to hear it. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (17 June 2013):
 You "sound" like a smart, resourceful and dedicated woman who has taken on (or, has had thrust upon her!) 'way more than anyone should have to endure.... AND, now, you're recognizing the muddle of it all and asking "What's in this for me?"
That's a reasonable question.... so let's answer it:
1. You're smart. Ultimately, you WILL find that golden career that has eluded you, so far.... just stick with it and watch for the opportunities... then go for them...
2. Your family matters... with all the angst and travails.... can't last forever. Your family has been lucky that you have been their bedrock.... but these family things will change over time... and, I predict, you will have an opportunity to get out from under the obligations that you have taken on....
The key to these matters, ultimately, will be patience and faith (faith that there really is "... a light at the end of the tunnel...").
You're young... keep sticking it out... and wait for life to unfold for you... It's gotta get better!!!!
Good luck....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2013): You are not alone in this. I have gone through this myself both my parents are now disabled and my Mum had to be a carer for my Dad (Both of them were strong business people). I also went to a uni near my home and it was really hard going as at the time I was their carer as well as getting sick myself - I really wanted to give up if I'm honest.I did end up graduating but the industry I work in has nothing to do with what I studied. I went through a good few years working low paid jobs to get some experience and caring for my parents and I thought that was it for the rest of my life and there was no light at the end of the tunnel.But things do change esp when you least expect them. I worked hard and applied for other jobs. Now I work in a good job (still nothing to do with what I graduated in and to be honest I wouldn't want to work in that industry) I have my own home and planning a wedding. I'm still trying to get my life back together, reconnect with friends and working on my health..Things are sent to us to make us stronger although it doesn't feel like it at the moment things will get better.
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