A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy on the internet almost a year ago. We got chatting over msn, and the first ever time we spoke we spoke for something crazy like 12 hours. We spoke this much every day for a month. We never ever ran out of things to say, it always kept flowing. We had EVERYTHING in common and it wasnt like he was claiming he liked the things i liked too because most of the time it would be him who brought the conversation up and i'd be astounded that we had that in common as well! We got along so well, he started to call me his 'boo' and we had pet names for each other etc. We never told each other how we felt, but it was pretty clear to see. He lived about 2 hours away on the train. He invited me down to this gig after about a week of us talking but i didnt have the money to go. So he took his other "friend" instead. Me and him met after a month, finally. We had the best time ever! We sat watching endless movies together, talking about our lives, listening to music, drinking a few beers.. Had a really lovely time. We went on a night out, and got quite close. Nothing happened, but we did get very close. He spent alot of the time we were together flirting with me and even strangers were commenting on our chemistry! He always said he wasnt one to have sex on the first date, he treat a lady with respect, so i gathered thats why nothing happened. We went home after about 4 days together. I rang him that night and it was quite an awkward conversation, he told me to call him back but when i tried to his phone was switched off. Then a week later i found out by reading a comment he left on our friends myspace page that he was seeing that 'friend' he'd taken to the gig. I felt sick and empty. I really felt missing. He didnt even have the decency to tell me, he just cut me out of his life. Its about 10 months on now and sure ive been with other guys, im with one right now who i love dearly, but i just cant get him off my mind. Ever. It felt like it was all set up and meant to be, and nobody comes close to him! No one has everything like he did, he really was my perfect guy! And now i dont know what to do. I feel like ive lost 'the one' so to speak...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): Unfortunately speaking over the internet has created an illusion. Not in the sense that you are not able to communicate or that there is not chemistry - but that you knew nothing about his real life. He was clearly able to segment his online relationship with you and have another 'friend'. Emotionally he has cheated on you because you both actually invested time and effort in the relationship you had in whatever context and he has been very unfair and cowardly. Indeed you met and got closer - regardless of whether or not you had sex. Do bear in mind however that he has also cheated to some extent on this 'friend' who, no doubt, is blissfully unaware of his online relationship/s? including yours, outside of their own. This would indicate to me someone that is not fulfilled and perhaps prefers to not commit or fills the gaps in their relationship or life with other people. Either way.... is he really worth losing what you have now over? Perhaps the fantasy or idea you have of him is best left 'as is' and put it down to experience. The reality is that he lied to you to suit himself and that is not the foundation for any relationship. As you accept the reality of what he is your desire or intrigue for him will lessen. I say give yourself more time to get over him and the hurt he caused.
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