A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please help,I have recently been dumped by my boyfriend of over 2 years,I loved him so much and stood by him( has he is a alcoholic(I dint know til a few month after we got serious)but I stood by him when other people didn't! He abused me verbally and accused of everything and anything and always wanted to ask qustions about my previous realtionships(we both have children to other people) he screamed and shouted at me and it just got worse and now he dumped me! I did nothing wrong,I just loved him and wanted only him for ever. He says I'm to blame why he hasn't stopped drinking and says every1 hates me,I'm ugly and a tramp and going nowhwere in life(I work and do well in my job,he doesn't work,he tried but I think cos of drinking alcohol at work he lost jobs) I'm so hurt and down! Please give me advice! I believe he has been seeing some1 eles and that he is hung up over his ex( has he constantly accuses me of wanting my ex,I don't at all and this realtionship ended 8 years ago) he always sends nasty txts and then later he will say he loves me but then starts on me when he comes to see me. I'm confused and what advice and help to get through this pain.I feel I'm to blame for making him unhappy and drink.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi,thank you all for your awnsers,I feel a little better now.I felt so low and unhappy the minute the abuse started and the cuddles and niceness completely stopped. I just have 1 more question to ask! Last year I moved into a beautiful little cottage,I hated where I lived before and grabbed this opportunity by both hands,anyway when it was day before moving my partner started on me and left me and cancelled the removal van,so I was left with nothing,luckily my friends dad who I know and lives near my new home offered to help me move and got some other people to help me,and I was so grateful and he helped sort thingsin house etc. So cos of this help I used to pop over for a cuppa n chat( he is in late 60s) and every1 knows him has he will help anyone! But my partner had a big problem and said I had to not spk to him anymore and then started saying I was sleeping with him ect all disqusting things. It hurt me a lot has I wasn't doing anything wrong! But I stopped going over and stopped talking to him! He also stopped me seeing my good friend of 15 year cos I used to go out with her brother when I was 15 year old! It was stupid but he went on and on when drunk so I just basciaclly did what he asked just to stop the shouting! But nothing was good enough and he still brought things up and used all this for reasons why he drunk more and for why he was dumping me.my head and hurt is hurt and muddled up. I just want to move on and get my life back! I feel used and worthless though and minute! I stopped going out with friends to be with him and help me but yes he had to help himself! Why did he shout and scream at me all time? He even said things about me to his daughter(she is 8) and he said his ex was everything I'm not! I feel he punishes me cos he lost her to his friend! And think that was when he drunk more but whilst with her for a big part of it he was doing drug abuse.. How do I move on? He said every1 hates me and told him to stay away from me,even though they never met me before. He said all I'm good for is to be used! He tells me tales of holidays and meals etc he went with his ex! But he never took me anywhere! And if we did go to supermarket he was drunk and he also stole!( Which I never understood) p.s he also did time in prison for a month and he was better for it and promised me a good life but morning he got out he got drunk out of his head on vodka. He mainly is a cider drinking! But will drink harder stuff if he could afford it! All his dole goes on drink and cigs! For past 2 christmas's and his daughters birthdays and easter etc I bought all her presents cos he said he didn't have money to get her anything! And I never got a thankyou cos he told her hed bought them! When he had her I was made to stay upstairs(in my own home). I don't know what I was to him! Maybe now he is suddenly sober he is embrassed to have been with me! He never refered to me has a human being! And always said the " likes of you". I feel destroyed! Is it all me? Was I wrong to let some1 help me move home when I had no1 eles or family to help me? Am I wrong to have had realtionships when I was younger! He was with his ex 12 year( but cheated in between) he always asked me if I was cheating on him and if I loved him! Now I'm thinking was he cheating on me? Help me move on please.
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (16 May 2012):
 Hi
You are not responsible for his drinking. He drank before you met him, he chooses to continue to drink and lets face it he is a nasty drunk.
You and your child deserve better. His drinking is his problem, not yours. Do not let him into your home, do not respond to his texts or calls. Its hard but its the only way to move on to a healthy happy life
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2012): Wow. This is a horrible and toxic relationship.
Dont you see? Youre addicted to a man who loves punishing you for something that isnt even your fault. Youre so desperate for attention and affection youre taking it from a man who insults you and abuses you as he pleases.
YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THAT. Think of your child! Dont you want a man who loves you and holds you and doesnt drink and sends you texts saying youre beautiful and not an ugly tramp?
The man youre in love with is a loser, an abuser and a creep. Get out of there fast.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2012): just know that you are in no way responsible for his alcoholism. He was an alcoholic before you even met him. He's got serious personal issues that he projects onto you. He is making himself unhappy and then choosing to deal with it by drinking. You have done nothing wrong, and there's nothing at all that you could have done differently that would magically 'make' him stop drinking. Only he can stop himself from drinking, and he probably needs professional guidance. I understand that you've invested 2 years of your life with him, and a lot of mental energy and emotions. It's easy to feel like you could have done something different that would have made things better. But with people like him, his drinking problem and his other issues like paranoia and abusiveness go beyond any one person in his life. It's the sum of all his life experiences and choices and circumstances up until now. Just move on and don't look back.
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