A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys, just wondered if anyone could help me, i dont feel normal. I feel thick.Im 19 at uni, creeping my way through a degree that can get me into a good job, if only i had the confidence. I've always struggled throughout school, college and everything, I've been lucky these past 3 years i had good mates at college and a tutor that would give me maximum help and friends that will help me at uni, even if i have to see their work to get the full gist of things. I'd never copy they know that and thankfully they trust me, i just tend to need to see how someone has started or written it to give me guidance, or an example to see what is really being asked of me.Thing is i have issues and its affecting me most mentally and emotionally, i feel fine when i know i have the support but im also scared to ask for help in the fear of making myself look thick. I dont seem to understand things, like i will constantly ask for help or just ask "is this right" or "can you just show me how" I always put this down to confidence but i actually dont tend to grasp things, once i get used to a job after doing it repeatedly I'm fine, but i just tend to stand there and be unsure. It was so common at college because obviously our tutor would give us imput in the classroom and then ask for any issues and we'd do it and i was always the one to say "i dont get it" I understood the information that was said i just didnt get what she wanted me to do or how to do it, and once is was explained in a set way i was fine and i did it. I was the "top" student in the class, ok i wasnt the brightest and i did need some guidance but she always said I was the only one in that class capable of getting the grades i did, which was amazingly high and i got high UCAS points for Uni. Once it was explianed several times i was fine and i could do it to a high standard. I never understood this but hey i receieved the highest grade in the class.Thing is it gets me down because another problem i have is pronouncing words, I've always noticed i find it hard to pronounce certain words, i cant give an example but just words that are used everyday. i also get really unsure about things.I know deep down im not that thick, i guess the fact im just clumsy in general adds to that and yeah i get laughed at occasionally and i know its a joke but it makes me think. I recently had an interview, didnt get through to the 3rd stage but i had feedback which was i had all the skills and knowledge, it was just my ability to explain my skills gained within my work experience that lacked and weren't valid, which i knew anyway because of my confidence and i don't actually know(and this is in everyday life as well)how to explain things. Even though i wanted the job i went home afterwards having heard more about the role i thought theres no way i could do that i'm not good enough because it will take me ages to take everything in. I also dont always understand certain words used on my degree and then i find out its something totally simple that if only it was written in simple terms i would have understood it.Thing is employers haven't got the time to constantly get me through this, i know its probably not my fault but i feel like it is, throughout junior school i was so clever, from then on it went downhill. I had dyslexia tests at school and they came back negative but they tested simple things you'd do in nursery like comparing your left to your right. Its not that i need. I seem to be such an opposite somethings that are so complex and hard i can do but i cant do the simple stuff and other times its the opposite, but i struggle greatly. Im a devil for saying "i dont get it" and then it has to be explained again and again or shown to me and then i eventually do, and i wish i didnt because it affects me in every way. Im sorry to have rambled on I dont know if theres anyway i can talk to someone and get this diagnosed or not, there might be nothing wrong and its just me but my tutor at my old college said you do struggle to take things in sometimes and they can tell when im doing my work. With me being at uni now i dont really know if theres anyone i can talk to or not, i feel its a bit late and because i find this situation so weird and hard myself i feel they'll think Im talking Bo***cks but you know... I dont want to be this way i wish i could be normal but I just want to know if its just me because i feel its only going to get worse and i know it will affect me in my working life if i continue to not say anything. Am i normal? is there anyone else out there like this? I dont necessarily want a miracle cure i just want someone to understand because i feel so abnomral and worthless? I just want to feel better :(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (3 January 2011):
 hi,
You are perfectly normal, you are just smarter than the average. Don't beat yourself up.
Come and ask for help at Dear Cupid any time. You are always welcome.
Asking Questions? I think that is smart. The dumb ones are those who do not understand, but stay silent in class.
And it helps the lecturer to know when they are not explaining it as well as they could. When one person asks a question there are up to 16 people who wanted to ask, but were too scared to ask. So you are probably helping others who are making out they understand, when they do not.
Try to improve your belief in you. This is a self esteem thing. If you believed in yourself more you would not need to look over others work, if you had more faith in you. I say that because every time you stand alone and it is all your own work, and you do well, you will grow in confidence - where you looked at NO one's work to get that score. Besides you do not ever want any hint of plaigarism to attach to your results. Even though you know you do not copy.
In one way I really identified. Because I coped with the work I think I was pushed up too quickly. Such that I was always the youngest in every class I was ever in. Except I got good grades. BUT emotionally at 12 I was not the same as the older kids in my class. I think this affected my confidence until I finally got to Uni, where one or two years difference meant nothing. And once you start working things will level out even more. You are growing and improving every minute you are on this planet
Words: want to learn more? Read a page of Roget's Thesaurus daily and two pages of the dictionary daily. It will improve your vocabulary, your spelling and your understanding of what each word means. Look up any word you are not sure of, in the dictionary every time you need to.
Because all the kids I was at school were older I did still have to work on my EQ= Emotional Intelligence. And I wonder if work on this might help you too? EQ helps you communicate and relate better with people. Get some books on how to improve your EQ.
Your IQ=Intellectual intelligence is not in doubt.
Another aspect to work on is how you present yourself and how you explain yourself. I had to do that. First time I tried the following I was a trembling wreck. Now I love it. It will really improve your confidence and your presentations. You cannot learn it from a book. What is it? Public speaking. Join a group asap and start learning. It will help you so much. May take a few years of practice, but you will never regret it.
I know you are smart, but there is another skill that helps hone our skills at
understanding and explaining things and that is logic. You can choose which you prefer of the following:
Get a couple of logic puzzle books and work through each puzzle.
Learn to play bridge - lots of chances to interact with people from Uni when I started learning it
Other aspects really resonated with me. My first husband (at same uni as me) sometimes used to laugh at my pronounciation when I was in 1st yr at Uni when he was in 3rd yr. I recall 'cyclic' and I pronounced it incorrectly. He remarked 'how could you?' my reply was, 'you grew up in a family who discussed these things. I didn't. I learn from reading, but at least I can spell accurately'. That was a 'dig' because his
spelling was terrible. He learnt by
listening and discussing.
One more thing. Physical exercise can produce natural endorphins released from our brain, that make us feel good when we exercise. Not sure what sport you do play. But if any, try to add a little more. If none, then think about joining a gym or take up hiking or some other sport like cycling where you have to rely on you, to achieve success. A team sport may impose too much pressure on you. But achieving alone may be good to give you a personal sense of achievment.
Stop doubting yourself. The world needs good people like you.
Good Luck.
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