A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hello alli am sorry its a bit long but please help me outmy ex broke up with me 8 months ago and she was my first love, it was a 3 year LDR and we never actually felt the distance as we woud talk all the time and she loved me from all her heart and was a sensible and understanding girl who would do anything to see me happy(i mean by saying this)..everything was lovely in the beginning asusual and we hanged out a lot...but gradually it bagan to change when she went out of town and started her new life with many new friends in her hostel..i am a practical guy and know this had no future and it happened for good for both of us when she dumped me for whatever reason..but i am not able to accept it fully how she changed as a person and had let me down so badly in the end..i understnand that people change with time and it doesnt remain the same but it hurts remembering the past and how she used to be and stood by me in my hard times and encouraged me in life...although i may not have move on,its embaressing to say that i feel like crying whenver i miss the time i spent with her and places we went and its like i am stuck in my past..everything was so different one year back and it seems so lovely now. wish i had a chance to speak to her face to face as i didnt get the closure when she said its over and she cant handle it anymore it has faded we can be friends etc. after a few days when i called her, she didnt pick up my calls and didnt reply to my texts and i went to meet her 500 miles away. she wouldnt talk to me and was quiet and made drama and said i should forget her and move on. i pleaded and cried to her but that didnt bother her and she just left without a final goodbye(it sucks to remember she was the same person who did what not to make me feel like a king and so special!!) ok i know its already over and i shouldnt be hurting myself by it..i havent heard a squeak from her since then and its like i am missing someone badly who doesnt exist anymore and i dont know how to react to this phase of life and it hurts like hell when you realise you cant do anything about it and its out of your control(even praying doesnt help)..i dont know why all of the sudden her memories are haunting me after such a long time..i feel terribly lonely and suppressed..i thought this is the best place to vent out and i need some opinions on here... thanks for reading
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 October 2010):
 Ok it sounds like you are just not happy with your life in general and thats why you think of your ex as you were happy then and you associate being happy with your ex and hence why you just cant move on.
you need to start being happy on your own now and your ex will soon phase out of your mind. Just keep up the no contact as this is the main ingredient in getting over someone we love.
now you need to start being happy and independant, so you need to start going out with friends and enjoying yourself. Start looking on the bright side and be thankful for the life you have been giving, take up some new hobbies that you would like to try and just keep yourself busy.
Soon you will be enjoying yourself and slowely you will begin feeling happy and not thinking about your ex so much.
As for closure, you dont need to meet up with her again for closure as am sorry to say this but there is no such thing, this just leads to more pain in the long run for you as you will always make excuses to try and see her or contact her, all contact needs to remain gone.
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