A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife and I got married in No. of 2011 and recently bought our first house. Life is good. However recently Ive felt that things have changed with her. Im 31, shes 27, weve been together almost 3 years (we met in college but didnt get together till later). After we got engaged, me agreed that we wanted a house and a wedding, so we decided to stay with her parents for a year. This did allow us to pay for our own wedding, no new debt, and it allowed us to get our house.However, after we got married I got a little anxiuous and maybe even depressed because we were married, but living with her parents and I just wanted our own space. Now, shes very close with her family and I get along with them great. Her mom and her are very close, however at times I feel like Im in a tug of war for her attention (my wife). When we lived there her mom would like just walk in our room and start talking with us and it really made me feel like we had no privacy. Now that weve moved, her mom is constantly telling her that she misses her and my wife goes out of her to stay in touch and make her mom happy. sometimes, our plans change so we can do stuff with her family.Now i didnt grow up with the same family dynamic that she did and love my family as well as hers. I feel like lately shes out a ton of effort into pleasing everyone else around us, more than us. Even our sex life has suffered, shes admitted that she has been negelctful and our sex life isnt what it use to be but I still feel that shes not trying with us like she use to. But if her mom says she misses her or something she makes sure to go see her and whatever. Her mom doesnt work and stays home all day so i know all the free time is not good because she has so much time on her hands. Her mom has four daughters and my wife is probably the closest to her becuase she stayed at home the longest and she was there when her mom had some issues with alcohol and prescription drugs. Her mom even walked out on her family and hsuband to live with another guy and has had issues with cheating.However, my wife has maintaind a bond with her and its great but I feel like Im not getting a fair chance to be her husband. I feel like Im not getting the attenetion I need or deserve. My wife is a hard worker and works a lot of OT and that cuts into time too, but so do i and I feel like I still desire her and she "says" she desires me but I just feel that her actions are lacking. I love her but it pains to have to think i dont feel loved. To be fair her mother lost both her parents last year and is still dealing with it, and I know my wife wants her to get through it. Please help, we've talked about this several times and things are good for awhile but then I go back to "sad" mode when I feel like Im a newlywed who barely gets to make love to his wife and she goes out of her way more for her mother than me. BTW, her mother treats me great and we get along fine, I just dont wanna feel like her mom is taking over her time and Im less important. I truly feel my wife and I are great partners, but I dont know if she still desires me like she once did. We love each other dearly and we kiss and hold hands but sometimes I feel so frustrated because I feel we not only are as intimate as we once were ( keeping in mind we are newlyweds) but it's like she commits so much to all aspects of her life except the one we have together.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (17 May 2012):
 I do feel for you, really I do, but my guess is that she did not want her new life as a newly wed to start like this either. She is really close to her mother which is great, and she is probably really stressed out and worried about her mother as well. She is probably trying to please everyone and she has no time to please herself. I think instead off always saying to her you feel neglected, I think you should try and be there for her, she may want to talk about the stress her mother is putting on her. Just sit down with her and communicate, ask her is there anything that you can do to help. Suggest that even 2 nights a week, you both have romantic nights, weather it be in the house or not, both agree to turn of your phones and have nobody disturb you. Am sure you can both manage this. It will make you feel better and it will also give her time to relax.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2012): Your wife needs to realize that although family is important, you are now her main priority. She needs to have a balance between her family and the new family she created between you and her. The love and support she got from her family over the years should manifest into maintaining the new family role she has as a wife.
It was a good move to get your own house in such a quick time cause living with in-laws can turn into a bad experience one way or another. Im sure your wife loves you dearly, she just needs a little guidance on how to be a supportive wife and daughter at the same time without anyone feeling left out.
Best of luck to you!
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