A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. He was a virgin when we met, and for the first few times that we were intimate with each other, he didn't orgasm at all. I thought it may have been because he was nervous, but it still happens a lot now. He told me that it takes him longer than other men to come because he has had one testicle removed, but I am not sure that makes any difference - I think it's me.Sometimes I can bring him to orgasm, but a lot of the time I can't, and if we are making love then he will eventually just get tired and stop, and if I am masturbating him, he ends up going soft and just pulling me into his arms and stopping me. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong, and he says he doesn't know either. I want to be able to satisfy him, but I don't know how.This upsets me a lot because I feel sexually inadequate and I worry that I am just rubbish in bed. My boyfriend says it doesn't matter if I never make him come, that he loves me and it isn't a problem, but it is a problem to me. It's making me dread sex, as I'm constantly worrying I won't be able to make him come. I also can't stand the thought that because I can't satisfy him sexually, he will have to finish himself off later when I'm not there. It's not the thought of him masturbating that bothers me, as we see each other at weekends and I know he masturbates through the week when I'm not there: I'm fine with that. It's just the thought that I've turned him on but I can't finish what I started, so he'll have to do it for himself because I can't do it for him.He's suggested that he could stop masturbating during the week so that he's more sexually frustrated when he sees me, and will be more likely to come, but that doesn't really make me feel better, and I feel as if I'm so useless in bed that he needs to make special allowances in order for me to be able to please him.I know he said it doesn't matter to him and that he isn't going to break up with me because of this, but I am still worried that if it goes on for much longer, he will begin to want someone who is capable of satisfying him sexually, and no longer want me.I don't know how to deal with this. Does anyone have any suggestins?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2010): Sounds like a dilemma. First I would get a medical check up to see if it is possible because of the one testicle. Find out if there is a physiological reason. Maybe it can be treated with medication
If that is ruled out, you need to slow down and stop being goal orientated. The purpose of sex is not orgasm, but to give each other pleasure. You are putting way too much pressure on yourself. Don't aim to make him orgasm, aim to make him feel good and make yourself feel good. Try giving him a relaxing massage first, followed by an erotic one.
Don't masturbate him just to get him hard, do it for pleasure first, use your mouth, lips and tongue to get him hard. Pleasure him orally, while at the same time masturbating yourself, aim for pleasure for the moment with no end goal. try different things see what he prefers and what feels best, not only does this improve your communication with each other, but the act will greatly improve your technique and in turn confidence.Don't follow the same routine each time. Don't be put off if he goes soft, it is not uncommon for a man to go soft hard soft and hard during sex. Be patient with yourself and with him. Don't blame yourself, that will make things worse.
If it turns out at times he goes soft before he orgasms, don't make a big deal out of it. If he then needs to masturbate himself, accept that as well, instead of being put off by it, join in, you can lie close to each other while you both masturbate together. By doing this the pressure is off both of you and before you know it you will be happily making him cum.
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