A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'd been dating this woman for 2 years. I proposed to her in February (after encouragement by her and substancial discussion) and she accepted. In early May she met a guy via an online internet game. He sent her his picture, and she was exclaimed that she thought he was "hot". I made a comment blowing it off, because 1) I'm not a jealous person and 2) It was a guy from an online game, I saw no threat. I knew they had been speaking a lot and whatnot, and I made a comment later on telling her to cut the flirtation out, that it was making me uncomfortable.She broke off the engagement about two weeks ago. She gave a medley of excuses about how things had become too routine for her, how she wasn't were she wanted to be in life and felt she needed to be successful on her own and not dependant on me, etc. As time passed, I found out through other people who played the game that she was intensely flirting with this guy for some time. At the time of our breakup she was even toying with the idea of moving to his area across the country to go back to college. I cannot get away from the feeling that this guy was *by far* the predominant reason she broke things off. She didn't even offer to attempt to work things out. She just said "I'm not ready for this".Now the confusing part: she stated that she still loves me, repeatedly. She met up with me and attempted to be fairly non platonic (kissing, hugging, etc). I feel like I'm just her security blanket if this other guy doesn't work out. She hasn't even met him yet and there is no way atm that they can possibly make this long distance relationship viable. She's cried in front of me and told me she missed me and just needs time. Then she's said "I must just miss the comforts of a relationship". I'm not sure what I should do. Loving her as I do still, do I condone this behavior and just go with it as I can-- be there for her when she needs me to a certain degree, as a friend and more? Do I quietly seperate myself from her after she removes all her stuff from my apartment and there is no practical reason to remain in contact with her? Or finally, do I call her out on what I feel to be true (as listed above), showing how angry and hurt I am to the point where it overcomes my desire to be a support figure to her right now during this confused episode in her life?
View related questions:
flirt, jealous, long distance, online game Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, jacqui1987  +, writes (29 June 2007):
dude, 4 words. SHEISNTWORTHIT!if she can go all obsessed over this asshole she met over the INTERNET, and can do all this to you just because of some computer nerd, then she's not worth all this pain. Move on baby!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): Look,
She obviously likes this other guy.
Have you spoken to him?
She oviously likes him as well as you.
Just keep hanging with her and hope this over guy falls of a cliff.
...............................
A
female
reader, LaylaLove +, writes (12 June 2007):
Strange, I used to be friends with a girl who was exactly the same, with the exception that she DROVE 6-7 hours to see him and then stayed with this boy she met from an online game for about a week.
Unfortunately, I think a lot of it may have been because her boyfriend at the time was anti-social and would never leave the house, and often ignored her.
In the end she wound up living back with her parents until she found a new boyfriend where her parents live. And has since moved in with him now.
Do yourself a favor and pull the safety net out from under her..
...............................
A
female
reader, Beckto +, writes (12 June 2007):
 First off, I think you're right. You are acting as her security blanket.
I can identify with her ambiguity. I've been in a situation where I was with someone who just wasn't right for me, even though I loved him, liked him, loved the security he provided, etc. It's a tough spot to be in for both parties.
I can assure you, it's not really about the other man. Yes, he may have been the catalyst for your breakup, but if it wasn't him then it would have been someone else. To prove this, she found her catalyst (the other man) on a computer game! Some more obvious places would have been a coffee shop, at work, ... you get the idea. So, something in her world wasn't right and she was looking for something to fill an empty spot inside her. The computer game sufficed at first, then she discovered an online relationship that worked even better. It's probably quite true that she "isn't ready for this." And it's probably unsaid that she doesn't think you're the right man for her, deep down.
This doesn’t mean that you're not enough of a man for her, or that there's something wrong with you. Not at all. It simply means that there's something in HER that wants something else other than you.
So, now that we've covered her, start thinking about yourself. What do you want in a partner? If you were single, what would you do to get back on your feet again? Embrace your new position in life as a single man, gain your independence again, and make YOU happy.
...............................
A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (12 June 2007):
 Hi
you and this girl are over she broke it off because she decided to pursue a relationship with the other guy. all you need to do is to wish her well and let her go. i dont think this is the kind of woman you want to spend a life with, she sees a hot guy and break the engagement how do you know she will not leave the marriage if she sees a hot guy in future? this is just good riddens. you need someone who is solid and well grounded a woman who knows what she wants not the one who just complicates things for herself and appears needy.
if you want to be with her be with her because you love, respect and she is all you had been looking for. remember life doesnt give us any gurantees but where there will be a life full of drama we can notice and its our choice to choose life not death. good luck
Jovial
...............................
|
