A
female
age
30-35,
*hristina provence
writes:Ok so i dated this guy for 3 years on and off and inbetween the break ups he had 3 kids and got married well recently i sent him a friend request its been 3 years since i seen him and i messaged him sayin hi . Well lately it seems like i cant stop thinking bout him i knw we r over. Im content with that but i just feel like i will never find someone that will love me like he did he was my bestfriend. How.do i deal with this i feel so lonely and unwanted now
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 May 2013):
 Nothing will make you feel older and more used up than an affair. You *are* young, but old enough to make your way into the world. Time to join today, and that means that your tastes in guys has to change along with your maturity.
A
female
reader, christina provence +, writes (28 May 2013):
christina provence is verified as being by the original poster of the question I appreciate the help i just bad night im usually not like that i guess i just miss bein young again. I have no feelings for him wat so ever. I want gim to be happy thats all. I knw i will be inlove again one day and it will be different
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 May 2013):
He got married and had 3 kids. I'd say it's definitely over, and you should leave him to his wife and stop with the contacting and the friend requests, which aren't fair to his wife and kids and definitely unfair to you.
You say you'll never find anyone like your ex? That's actually a really good thing! You'll never love anyone like you did him, but that is freeing! Don't go pining for him, because he's dead to you now. Open your mind to other possibilities, and you'll find that different people will bring out different aspects in you.
This would have been a high school relationship judging by the 6-year time span you referenced? You're also pining for your past, because real life is a lot harder and more pressure. I'm also wondering if this guy was your first sexual partner? That tends to release a bunch of obsessional bonding chemicals in many women, turning them from smart, strong, discerning women into clingy, pining, obsessing, unbalanced women who are stuck like a CD with a scratch on it. The moment you recognize that the chemicals are frying out your brain, the sooner you'll break out of it and move on with your life!
You're not unlovable. You're just chemical blitzed.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2013): Christina if you were content with that then you wouldn't be feeling this way. You wouldn't suddenly think he's the best thing that has ever happened to you.
You made the biggest mistake ever thinking it was a good idea to get back in contact with him and now you're head over heels with him all over again.
Lie to yourself all you want and say you're not but you clearly are or you wouldn't be feeling this lonely an unwanted after adding him on facebook.
Get rid of him again and keep moving on with your life.
He's obviously not that amazing if you couldn't even have a solid relationship without breaking up all the time and he's obviously not all that great if you're not still together.
Stop living in a fantasy of a past you look back with rose tinted glasses, it really wasn't as great as you remember it being at all, it was a fucked relationship that failed miserably. Your feelings of loneliness are making you look back and think he was awesome and your relationship was better than it was, it wasn't or you'd still be with him.
Get rid of him again and keep moving on because you want the brutal harsh truth?
You're undateable while you feel this way and have him in your life. I wouldn't go near you and most men will steer well clear of you if they're smart too.
A woman still hung up on her from 3 years ago? One who feels sad, lonely, lives in the past, feels unwanted, and already thinks you have no chance of being as great as her ex?
Fuck that OP, no guy stands a chance with you, because we've already lost out to your ex before you've even gotten to know us. You've already decided that no one is going to be as good as him so we can't compete with that.
So feel unwanted all you want, it's very true. I don't know any guy who would want a woman in your state of mind. I don't know any guy who would want to get with a woman who has already made her mind up that there will always be a better guy out there for her.
One who you can't trust because it's 100% guaranteed no matter how long you're with her or the relationship you've built her ex only has to click his fingers and she'll go running back to him.
Until you get rid of him from your life for good OP, then lonely and unwanted is going to be the reality of your life. I mean be honest, would you go near a guy who is in the situation you're in? Would you really risk your heart on a guy who you know you'll never be good enough for before they've even given you a chance? It's madness OP. Stop this, move on or live a life of lonely despair feeding off any scrap of attention your ex gives you.
What a life you're setting yourself up for OP. I'd crack up if I was you, how long are you going to let this continue before you realize your stuck in the past so much that you have no future. let it go.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (28 May 2013):
 Hi, you are making things worst for yourself. You risk becoming his mistress and settling for scarps thrown your way. He has a wife and kids, let it go. Yes he is your greatest love but surely you deserve better and someone that can give you everything. Stop living in the past and move on, this obsession will only bring your pain and heartache.
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