A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 28 years old and I was married March of this year. My husband and I had only known each other 8 months before the wedding and only 2 before we got engaged. In January my grandmother passed away and then in February my father unexpectedly passed away as well. Then 2 weeks before the wedding one of his best friends unexpectedly died as well. I had begged to move the wedding back but he wouldn't agree to do so. Since we have been married we have bought a house and moved in together the week after the wedding. I have felt a sense of sadness since this has taken place. Just recetly I have felt like I just woke up and can't beleive that I have married him. He is nothing like the man that I thought I would marry. I have to pay most of the bills, he is irresponsible and has a temper I just recently became aware of. I went to college, he didn't and he has no desire to be a better person. I am afraid he is going to hold me back and I will be taking care of a grown man for the rest of my life. I am currently staying with my family trying to figure this out. I just don't know if I want to stay married to him.
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female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (22 August 2009):
 Do you love him?....Did you love him 8 months ago?....Did you love him BEFORE all the deaths occurred? If so, then you are just going through the anxiety of so many horrible things. Also I think things are just moving too fast for you. You have experienced like 4 major stresses all in a row. Getting married, leaving home, buying a house and losing people who are close to you, through death. It feels like things are off to a bad start but if you can back up and focus on the things you were initally attracted to in him, you may get past the grief and start living happily again. He may have to be taught how to manage his money better. Sometimes we go into marriage, expecting everything to be perfect, and when it's not we think we have failed. You haven't, it's just that no one is perfect, he may be having doubts about you too, so just roll with it. Keep things fun and exciting if you can and go to grief counseling if you need to. It may help you deal with your loss more objectively. Good luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2009): Don't stay married. Life is too short to be miserable. There'll be short term emotional pain but long term relief. Just don't jump into something else right away.
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A
female
reader, ivette_santos +, writes (21 August 2009):
What you should do is not put up with the relationship - it's not easy but you're better off doing it now rather than later. You're basically doing everything you're working and you pay most of the bills when you're with someone that doesn't have any goals. Believe me, it's very hard to progress, you dont get any motivation from them, you feel like not doing anything. The good thing is that you don't have any children involved. You're doing everything yourself, he doesn't help out much so stay by yourself, you deserve much better, you're independent. If it doesn't kill you it will make you stronger ..Good luck.
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