A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I had a crush on my friend for a long time, we've known each other for a year and I've liked her for six months. We were really good friends. I told her how I felt recently and she said that even though we had so much in common we were looking for different things (which is true) but that she would give it a try under different circumstances. She said that she didn't have the time for a relationship right now because of stuff going on in her life, but maybe in the future something would happen. She spcifically said that shes not rejecting me but it just wouldn't work under the present circumstances. She said that for now she just wants us to be friends like we used to be.I accepted that initially but then i got bitter cause I realized that no matter what she said, she did reject me in the end. I've tried being friends with her since then, and its hard. She's still about the same, but for me, even though I'm not over her (still like her) theres no energy any more. I don't have a goal, and i feel like I have to make her see what she missed out on. I know thats childish but its how i feel, I want to hurt her (by finding another girl or something) to see that she missed a really good thing. On the other hand I know i owe it to her to keep on being her friend since before that time we were amazing friends.What should I do? One part of me wants to isolate her (stop texting her, facebook, everything) and if she wants to still be friends, hang out, she can call me, if she doesn't call, too bad for her. The other part of me thinks I should stay the same, keep on texting every once in a while, ask her to hang out sometimes, be as close as I can to before i told her.What you think? What if she was being honest and a relationship wouldn't work and she actually wants something in a few months? I have no idea what to do...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2011): So you don't what she is busy with that she doesn't want a relationship? Ask her, listen to what she says, ask her some questions about it. Ask her if you can help her with it.You say you and she are looking for different things, how are they different, can you give her what she is looking for and she what you are looking for (will never find anyone that is looking for exactly the same thing you are).I would assume she is being honest unless you have reason to believe otherwise.If she isn't interested then put her on the back burner, look for someone else who is more available, not for revenge, but because you are attractive and want to be in a relationship, and there might be someone else out there. If she becomes available, then evaluate things at that time.Should you stay friends with her? I think that depends on the friendship, if you like being friends with her, then stay friends with her. If your feelings are too much for you to be around her, then don't do that to yourself.Mature love is not vengeful. It is natural to want to hurt her, but if you go that route you will poison your love for her, and then things will surely never work out with her.
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