A
female
age
30-35,
*eanne1234
writes:Ok, so last year was a really bad year for me and i spiraled out of control. i did some pretty bad things that could potentially really hurt people i know and love. I began experimenting with drugs, drinking A LOT of alcohol and basically i was just dependent on alcohol n drugs to have a good time. The beginning of 2009 i had slept with 2 people, both of whom had been long term boyfriends. By then end of 2009 i had slept with 8 people, 5 of them being one night stands, one of them being a person i thought loved me but turned out he didn't actually care. Every-time i slept with another person i promised myself i would never let the numbers rise because each time i felt disgusted with myself after. Basically the people i've slept with are all known to me and people around me but there's only my best friend that knows i've slept with these people. If it all comes out I'd basically be in a right state because I'm so ashamed. I even slept with a turkish man whilst on holiday in Turkey and i really do not know why, i've known him years and he's only a couple years older than me and when he started talking about love and everything i just laughed it off, because i'm not stupid i know how most mens mind works and i couldn't be bothered with the crap that was coming out of his mouth. (irrelevant but..) So that's just the background information, what i really need help on is .. how do i get over it all? I've stopped sleeping with people and i've realized I'm better than that, i've cut down on drinking (because that's when it happened with people) and I'm really committed to my college work and stuff. I'm just sick with worry constantly every day and i really want to get over it all. I feel like i've lost all respect for myself and I'm really working on getting it back. I know myself that this isn't the girl i am and i wish i could turn back time, like most people wish they could. Such a mess.. oh by the way i've had STI tests and everything and its all clear, (really lucky).
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female
reader, ShonaB +, writes (4 February 2010):
 Well done on realising that you made some mistakes, for facing up to them and beginning to once again regain control of your life - none of which are easy things to do.
You have already taken the biggest step by doing the above, the rest is about your determination to turn your life around and move forwards. With the support of a few close friends and knowing in your heart you've now taken steps to "right the wrongs", you will be able to move on. People forget quickly once they see someone make an effort, you may well gain the respect of many that didn't even really know you once they see the changes in you. Promises and words may just be lip service to some, don't let that put you off, see that as a challenge and prove to them through your actions that you have changed.
Just remember, sometimes these things take time... actions always speak louder than words. You can do it, you're already over half way there!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): Agree with Kat.
my little secret is that i cant listen to the song "love generation" without squirming. (thats going to the grave with me lol)
We all do things that when we look back think wtf. but its really no big deal. Just learn to laugh about it and let it all go.
You know that isnt you and thus you wont do it again.
All the besta
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): Accept that whats done is done and stop wishing you could take it back. It is now a part of your life experience. Grow from it. You've made mistakes, but if you learn from them, then it's not complete waste now is it? You learn, you grow, you deal with things and you adapt. Be proud of who you are right now, and don't look down upon yourself for who you used to be. Its a good reminder to keep in the back of your head, but tomorrow is a new day and you've already started the change. Be proud that you are able to do that. Also, if you've hurt people and are now dealing with it, you are taking responsibility for your actions. You even had yourself tested. Those are good things, not all people take that responsibility. Not all people are able to look at themselves, decide they don't like it, and change.
So if you can change, then you have something to be proud of. Remember to be the one you want to be though, and not the one people around you think you are, or what others want you to be.
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