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male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I am 19 years old, and I have never had a girlfriend before. But during this past summer, I met this girl at my work who was amazing. I was very shy at first when talking to her, but as I started talking to her I could see we were making a connection. We eventually started going on dates and I was thinking that everything was going uphill from there. After a couple of dates, I finally got the courage to kiss her, and I feel we both had a huge connection going on. So I was thinking everything was going great...and it was looking like I was gonna get a girlfriend. So school started up again, and I decided to ask her if we wanted to be a couple. She said "I'm not ready for a relationship right now." which really shocked me because I thought that she would be my girlfriend without a doubt.She then explained that there were reasons for her saying 'No'. Well, Ever since mid-summer, she was dating this guy for about 3 years. So, she decided to take a 'break' from her boyfriend so she could have some time to herself for a while. And right when she decided to take a 'break', I stepped into the picture. Perfect timing on my part right?So, even though she is taking a break...we still share intimate moments with each other. We flirt all the time, and we even kiss quite often. I mean it feels like we are always making progress...and then we have to stop for a while, and then it seems like we start back up again.Then this semester, she told me that she couldn't hang out nights because one of her friends needs a place to stay. This kinda made me upset, because I knew that her boyfriend goes to our same school too. So i asked her if it was her "ex-boyfriend" who was staying at her place, and she said it was. So then I immediately got jealous.I knew that she and her "ex"-boyfriend are still good friends. But I have always thought if they still share passionate moments with each other. So I finally asked her that, and her response was not really clear. She then started to break down crying. I mean she is kinda torn between us I think. She said that they still cuddled together, but I have a strong feeling that they still kiss each other and what not. And she doesn't like saying 'no' to people, because she doesn't like other people to be upset at her, so I think that was one of the reasons why she didn't end her relationship with her boyfriend.So I mean.....I'm REALLY CONFUSED!! I mean, do you think its justifiable that she is still sharing passionate moments with her "ex" even though they are on a break? I mean her reasoning is that they have been together for 3 years, and she claims it's really hard just to forget someone after you have loved them for that long. But I mean, I wouldn't know what that feels like since I have never been in a relationship in the first place.I feel like I have kinda been "cheated" on, even though we aren't really a couple anyways. Can you guys help me out? Do you think its fine for her to do that? What do you guys think I should do about the situation?
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female
reader, meganw3221  +, writes (29 October 2009):
 I have had some experience in this situation. I moved to a different city after highschool and even though me and my highschool sweetheart were not together at the time, he would regularly come and visit and stay at my place. I had also been talking to another guy that I met in my new city. Although he was really great and we spent quite a bit of time with each other and I enjoyed his company immensely, I wasn't exactly ready for another realationship. I wasn't trying to get back with my ex by any means, but sometimes when we were together old memories would be rehashed. When you have been with someone for a long time it becomes very comfortable and it is easy to get caught up in the moment, even if it's not really what you want. It took me a while to break this cycle, I realized that if we were both ever going to move on we would have to remain at a distace from each other. Needless to say the other guy that I was talking to moved on too. It probably doesn't feel real good right now, but I am sure that she is not trying to hurt you. She probably is confused just like I was. If you really care about this girl you might just tell her how you feel, tell her that you don't mind being patient, but that you are not going to wait around forever. If I had a second chance I might have made a different decision.
A
female
reader, helz  +, writes (29 October 2009):
 i think it's unfair of her to still want to be intimate with you when she's living with her "ex" boyfriend, and maybe you should tell her that you two should have space from each other, because it sounds like she shouldn't be with anyone right now, and maybe she needs to think about what she really wants before hurting you anymore.
good luck
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