A
female
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anonymous
writes:My b/f takes me for granted! How do I stop being such a doormat? Again, this Valentine's Day he did nothing for me. He didn't plan anything special, cook me breakfast...it was just another day. Yet I found the time to get him his favorite chocolates and a cute little bear and take it to his office and put it on his desk on my way to work this morning so he'd have a nice suprise. It's been 2 hours since he arrived at work and not so much as a "thank you". I feel like such a fool! We've been together for 3 years and in that time, he's forgotten my birthday twice, and never so much as a card on Valentine's Day no matter how much I complain. I kept thinking if I did sweet, little romantic things for him, he'd eventually pick up my cue and do some things for me. But nothing! He's good in other ways most of the time so maybe I'm making too much out of stuff like this. But I feel like I do more than my share of the work in this relationship. I know he's been under alot of pressure at work here lately, because I've been going to his office after hours and helping him finish up projects and he says "thanks" but last night we were there for 2 hours and I didn't even get sex out of the deal! I don't know how to change the balance in our relationship but I feel like I do most of the giving and I hate that about myself!! I feel like disappearing at lunch today, not answering my phone, not being available and just making him wonder what in the hell I'm doing because he just assumes I'll always be there and I think it's ruining our relationship. Any advise???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2008): I share similar complain to yours "i gave a lot to him but didn't receive much in return". I know those holidays' are big things to our girls because we need very clear message from men that they love us. I think the reason you care so much about the holidays' gestures from him is because you are not sure how much he loves you and you found excuses for him that during those non-holidays he might be too busy at work to show love to you, but Valentine's day is Valentine's day, too big to be ignored. I share the same pain as you do right now, and one of the suggestions I got is that use your mind and heart to feel, not to use your eyes. Even if he gives you a Valentine's day gift, that does not necessarily mean he loves you very much, and I don't think that gift will necessarily ease your pain\concerns on your relationship. I hope this is helpful to you.
A
female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (14 February 2008):
 He seems to be oblivious to your feelings here, doesn't he? I think you should sit him down and bring things out in the open. Explain to him that you want 50/50 in this relationship and make it clear to him that you will not be taken for granted here. If my fella forgot my birthday, I would make his life a living hell lol. But seriously I think you give this guy far too much eg staying at his office after hours and helping him with his projects and just getting a casual thanks. He should take you out to dinner or buy you a nice present to show his appreciation.
Trust me he would not last long with me, I would soon mend his ways. Dusky xxx.
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A
female
reader, kellyO +, writes (14 February 2008):
 Hi Anom,
Believe me they are alot more people in your situation that you realise. My case is quite the reverse, he does all this wonderful stuff for me and i was laid back. But after a while in the relationship i started reciprocating just to make him happy cos it seems important to him. He jokes sometimes and says he is more emotionally than i am but i love him all to bits.
Also, I had this same discussion with my neighbour he said he wasnt going to get his wife anything for valentine day cos for the past 30 yrs of their marriage he never ever got her anything and if he does now she wlll be suspicions. I asked what about birthday's and he said that too.lol
Ok, back to your question. Some people are laid back as you have seen, others i dont know. I cant say.
If you love him you just have to keep telling him how it matters to you. I dont know what else to advise maybe someone else will add more.
All is well. Lots of hugs
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