A
female
age
30-35,
*evilsangel117790
writes:Tomorrow is one of my best friends 18th birthday and she is going out to Guiseley then getting the last train into Leeds. I really want to go but my boyfriend says that he might be too tired to go. He doesn't like me going clubbing when he's not there because he is scared that something will happen to me. I have absolutely no problem with him coming with us into Leeds but when he cant or doesn't want to go, it means I cant go even though I am 18, the same as him. I don't find this very fair.He had a work party tonight which wasn't allowed to go to and at these parties, everyone goes into Leeds and gets completely wasted. Ive had several texts off him starting from about 8.30 where they have been clearly very drunken texts. He's also on the shots at the moment. He has work tomorrow (so that's bad on his works part) but he is staying out all night and going straight to work because a taxi costs too much to get home.The thing is, as he's been to the work party, he will be too tired to go out with me to my friends 18th and so I cant go. I really want to go as she is really important to me but so is my boyfriend and he will get upset if I go and he doesn't. Or he will get angry if he has to come and stay out all night. I will feel guilty for my friend if I dont go, feel guilty for m boyfriend if I go with out him or feel guilty if he feels horrible and make him come with me!I feel like I cant win! What should I do?By the way, he's scared something will happen to me because I was raped in the summer.
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female
reader, wonderworry  +, writes (19 December 2008):
 I think that you should go! You're 18! same as me... Don't let your boyfriend control your life. You're young and I hate to say it but there will be other men in your future and don't let one take away from you having a good time and making memories! I've lost several friends to boyfriends because they seem to think that once they get one that's all they need and it's a very offensive thing to be second best to a boyfriend since friends should always come first. This person is your best friend? He should respect that and if he's too tired to go tell him to shove it up his bum! lol Maybe not so harshly but you know? I don't think it'd be a bad idea for you to go, you're going to be with friends meaning you'll be more than safe. I think the real reason he's worried is because of maybe an insecurityy? He might feel that you'll meet someone there and without him on your arm whose going to stop you right? Maybe just let him know how much you care about him before you go, make him feel like he's really desired and that the only person you want in your life right now is him... it'll make him feel good:) and maybe just get him to plan a boy's night or something! That way he'll have something to do but if he's really too tired to go I think he'll fall asleep after you leave anyway which means he won't be worrying and if he is just send him some texts while you're out just letting him know you're thinking of him! maybe some like "hey babe can't wait to come home and see you, maybe we could have a little party of our own later?;)" guys love when you talk frisky to them so obvvv he's gonna be happy to know you're thinking of him like that! good luck I hope I helped:) I hope you decide to go out with your friend, because at the end they'll be the ones there for you when you need them, boys come and go, friends are forever. Remember that! and hearts;
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