A
female
age
51-59,
*onfusedck
writes:im in a relationship with a really wonderful loving caring man. it will be 2 years in Feb. BUT i feel like a child in this relationship. I cant put my finger on what is bugging me but i just feel like not myself with him. I moved in with him in June and it has been so hard. I owned my own business when I met him and have always been independent. Now i have no business and im on UIB. We live together with my 2 kids and his 15 year old daughter. the kids are 15,15, and 12. i normal set rules and structure for my kids but its been impossible here. His daughter had never done chores and is more like his spouse. i constantly feel bad about myself here. my boyfriend is so codependent and i hate it! i feel worthless, weak, and stupid. to top it off i keep reflecting back on red flags that i ignored. i guess now im at the point of knowing for my own sanity and self respect, its time for me to go. one of the things that hurts so bad is when he says his parents like me but their behavior says otherwise ( or am i just to sensitive)? christmas time all kinds of christmas cards came in from his family. all only addressed to him and his daughter. then packages came with gifts, only to him and his daughter. then in the mail separate from him came a card typed with his parents name to me and my kids. we live together mind you. so its not that they didnt buy me or my kids gifts for christmas, its that they separated me from him. it was the straw that broke the camels back. his mom had told me a year ago that she his dad and his sister told him " dont marry her, just dater her". it has stuck in my head ever since. they are very wealthy people and i am not. i could give a shit about their money and it honestly makes me uncomfortable. I feel like he's not honest wsith me about how they really feel. I can sense and feel something is not right. and as far as his daughter i cant figure out if shes his spouse or his daughter. I have 2 daughters and a son and my ex husband isnt like that with my daughters. also i had parents who were raised 44 years and know what fathers and daughters are like. I have 4 sisters. so i am very confused and feel like i have set myself up for a lot of pain now. I do love him and leaving will put a wedge between us and possibly cause damage that cant be undone. but i think staying in a codependent unhealthy relationship will do more damage to me than anything. I feel like i cant breath and I am so very confused.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2012): To the above, codependency isn't only about keeping someone needy. He is codependent he's a people pleaser. Attitude behaviors & beliefs make up codependent behavior. He's not co to me bc I won't allow it! He is to his daughter & absolutely NO he's nit sexual with his daughter. It's more like a surrogate spouse she's the woman of the house. And what bothers me is that she's 15! Not 30, and him running around attending to her every whim & not giving her chores or rules is passive codependent behavior. She's the dependent one who by all means tajes advantage. His past marriages were to women who would not take responsibility for themselves. What bothers me about his daughter is she won't eat anything I cook he makes her plate when he gets home from work cuts up her meet as if she's 4 and takes ir to her room. She tells him what he can & cannot eat, puts him down. And she judges people horribly.
I've always been independent so this behavior bothers me. I have 2 daughters one the same age as his. My daughter I will not cripple by catering to her every whim & she knows her place in the pecking order. She's the child I'm the adult. That's what bothers me so much. So I think I'll take my own advice & head out the door. As far as his parents nor acknowledging me after 2 years, I'm worth more than that.
Thanks for the feed back but was hoping someone had more insight than I here.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 January 2012):
 I am NOT seeing co-dependency in your description of this relationship. how does he try to keep you dependent on him? how does he try to keep you ill and needy so that you stay with him? again how are the two of you co-dependent?
I sense a frustrated unhappy woman
why are HIS rules the only rules that matter in YOUR Home?
or is it NOT your home? is it HIS home and he LETS you live there?
why did the rules change for your kids when you moved in?
what his family says and does is just that his family... he can choose to distance himself from them.
bigger concern is that you see his child as his spouse?
is he sexual with her?
is he inappropriat with her?
what about his relationship with his daughter bothers you so?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (3 January 2012):
 So you've written a protracted tome which has oh-so-many reasons for you to walk away from this man..... and, at the end, you spell out exactly what would be the best - and healthiest thing for you to do ("i think staying in a codependent unhealthy relationship will do more damage to me than anything.")
How about following your own advice?
Good luck.....
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