A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is the first time in my life that I feel like this. When I met this guy everything was great. Sex amazing, he is funny, handsome, etc. Now 3 months Into this. When we sleep together I wake by a feeling that I cant breath. Its rea,ly a terrible feeling. I wake up literally because I feel like I am suffocating. Believe me I know it's because of him. I started watching it. When I sleep alone it NEVER happens. What is this??2 weeks ago ago I caught myself on a though that I would rather not see him everyday. When he is around I feel sort of " imprisoned " . And example: he came over, we had amazing sex, then he fell asleep. He slept I am not joking ...for 3 hours. During the day. I cooked and ate, watched Netflix on a balcony, put make up on, ironed dress, checked my email, and he sleeps and sleeps.. Then finally he woke up and said he will come back at night so we can do something. I probably had a face that he asked..if its ok or I would rather meet tomorrow. I agreed superfast. He asked me what I am going to do today and I said..nothing..which is not true. I wanted to go to listen to this band, but I really want to go by myself ...and sleep alone!Only 1 mo th ago we started talking about trying to move in together as we both pay superhigh rent and we wanted to give it a try as roomates/ lovers and see how it works...but now I cant even imagine... Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2021): Sounds like this guy is not the guy for you. You seem to have a good sexual connection but that's all.
Tell him you feel you moved to fast and you need to slow things down. He will appreciate your honesty
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2021): Hi
Nope! definitely a wrong move, making this a permanent living arrangement. You are not suited and already don't really like his ways, stupid to move in for only financial reasons, doomed to fail. Go to doctor about your breathing problem or anxiety, it sounds unhealthy.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 February 2021):
 It sounds like Night Terrors or beginning of an anxiety attack.
My advice? Talk to your doctor first then consider a therapist if your doctor confirms there is nothing medical going on.
It can also be that you simply aren't as ready as you thought to be sharing your life with someone 24/7
I'd DEFINITELY say put the "moving in together" on the WAY back backburner. That would be a dumb idea right now. Saving money isn't worth having anxiety/panic attacks or night terrors.
Also take a few days of from seeing him, make plans with family or friends (even if you "only" Skype" them.)
You don't mention how long it's been since you last had a serious relationship, if you have some trauma you haven't addressed prior, there is something MORE going on here than you "feel imprisoner".
Is it because you can't wake him up and say:" hey I have somethings to do can we see each other tomorrow? "Or tell him, "hey I'm still getting used to sleeping next to someone so for the foreseeable future can we NOT overnight?"
You seem to not really SET any boundaries. And then you feel bad when he doesn't get that HIM making himself so comfortable in your home might not be OK with you.
Another thing you can do, is YOU go spend time at HIS place. THAT way you can leave and go home (alone) when you need space.
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