A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi Agony Aunts and Uncles,I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 6 years. The problem is talking with him is like talking to a robot. Only I initiate conversation, and when I try to ask him questions it's like pulling teeth to get a response. I have to leave ques or literally say "this is where you tell me your opinion." Otherwise he's just silent. If I run out of things to say, he asks if that's it so he can go do other stuff. It really bugs me that I'm talking to a brick wall. This happens pretty much every time we talk. I know he's not cheating on me, so thats not it. He's also emotionally flat, but thats mostly just his personality and probably the antidepressants he's on. What do I do to keep this going, the relationship is starting to feel one-sided? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2015): This is the OP.
I forgot to mention we currently live a couple hours away from eachother and I only see him maybe once a month or less. The "LDR" will be done in mid-december. He is on antidepressants for an anxiety problem, and has been taking them for probably over 10 years. When he doesn't take his medicine, he gets angry and hostile. I doubt he'll ever be able to quit taking them. I'll try putting less effort into it and see what happens. Thank you for the advice.
A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (16 November 2015):
 The key to this is where you mention anti-depressants. They will cause the effects you are seeing in your boyfriend. You need to visit the prescribing doctor with your boyfriend and discuss this. It may be that the dosage needs adjusting, substituting, or phasing out.
The trouble with being on anti-depressants is that they don't cure depression they simply put a sticking plaster on it.
It is commendable that you are hanging in there and still trying to help. You have to understand that he is currently seeing life through a filter of medication and that is limiting his interaction with life.
The sooner he can come off them the better. They are only useful in conjunction with some form of therapy. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy seems to be popular and effective.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 November 2015):
 If it feels so very one-sided I'd simply STOP making an effort for a while, SEE if he picks up the slack or not.
He is not feeling like you two are having a conversation, but he is being "interrogated" or being "made" to talk when he has nothing to say.
It might really BE his anti depressants that is making him feel flat. It might be (you didn't mention it) that you two text so much during the day that there isn't much to talk about when you are together? OR that he really don't want to talk.
So I'd back up a little bit. Maybe you need to find another way to engage him in interactions. There is something to be said for being able to sit right next to someone in silence. My husband is the "chatty" one in our marriage. I'm the quiet one. Though I can hold a conversation and I do like to talk, I am just fine with silence or to just listen. I really don't like to be "made" to have a conversation, it feels fake and forced.
You have been together for 6 years, so I have to ask if this is new thing?
Maybe you two NEED to get out of the house, and DO things together. But first I'd back up a bit, see if he takes the bit or not.
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