A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey, i need some advice, this is really hard for me to put my feelings into words but ill try. iv been with my husband now for nearly 3years, it was a whirlwind romance at the beginning. i met him online, met him in person and from that day we have never spent a day apart. we got engaged 6months later, xmas 2008, had our baby jan 2010 and married in nov 2010. this might seemed abit rushed but i new he was the one when i first laid eyes on him.my problem is i think im a little jealous of his ex. they were together for a long time 7years and split up a few months before i met him, i always thought i was a rebound and still do a little bit. when i got pregnant she was very jealous, my husband still had her on his msn which i didnt know about, so i pretended to be him and she was saying stuff like "you dont love her, you dont want her, you love me, why are you with her" etc. Im not sure about now but i know he still had feelings for her, he had a secret phone that he phoned her on, which i found just after i had our baby.my point is i feel 2nd best, his 2nd choice because things didnt work out with them, a rebound. he says im his soul mate and he only loves me hense he married me but i keep thinking what if they hadnt of split up, i wouldnt be with him now, they were together 7years!! how can i complete with that? i ask him if hes only truely loved me and no-one else and he says yes but he must of loved her to be with her that long?? i never been in a serious relationship before him so i know hes the only one iv ever loved. also before he met me he had alot of money, he spent over £100 on a wallet, had a sporty car, went abroad etc and now we are broke, sometimes we cant even afford food. i feel jealous i wasnt a part of that, like iv got sloppy 2nds so to speak, before you say anything im not with him for the money, i wouldnt be with him if i was.i truely love him and thinking about him and his ex together makes me feel physically sick. is this normal? i know iv kinda won because i am with him now and will be for the rest of my life but i wish he met me when we were teens. i just feel so jealous shes had 7years of his life!
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engaged, his ex, jealous, money, msn, soulmate, split up Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (6 January 2011):
 You need to chill out hun, so what if he was with his ex for longer than you have been together? HE MARRIED YOU, NOT HER!!! Therfore, he loves you, not her.
We can't change the past, so put it behind you, start talking and discussing how you can make extra money if you are struggling (i know it's tough given the economic state her in the UK) but stop focusing on the past, and look to the future.
"i just feel so jealous shes had 7years of his life!" - You have had 3 years of his life, and seeing as you are married you have many more to come!!! That's unless you can't put the past behind you and move on. Stop worrying about those little niggles, as he may start to resent you for it and the relationship could break down.
Maybe go for some counselling if you can manage it, get to the source of your insecurities.
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