A
female
age
41-50,
*akulayblue
writes:Hi.I guess I'm extremely desperate for advices.My husband cheated twice( although he never slept with any of them).he started doing this since he found out he has a heart problem.I confronted him yet I ended up getting blamed for his weakness.we don' t have intimacy anymore.he always pushes me away everytime I tried to be intimate with him.he said he's tired and he can't function and he's blaming it on bunch of meds he takes for his heart yet I found out that he's constantly watching porn sites and sickest part is that he tried to solicit sex/escort online via these slutty women.that puzzles me.not to brag,he's not an attractive man but I was told I'm a pretty good looking woman and very well fitted.he accused me of snooping at his stuff and started putting password on his phone.I have a daughter and I'm a full time housewife.he claimed nothing happen.I felt so ugly, neglected and abused.the saddest part is that I'm even the one who begged him to save our family.I felt so pathetic.he promised he'll be a good man but he needs more time and I promised to stop snooping yet I still have lots of fear.please I need as much advice as I can get.
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female
reader, Makulayblue +, writes (6 January 2011):
Makulayblue is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo petina1:thank you so much for the wonderful advice.
To male reader:thanks for the advice as well.but I don't think I need to go to gym or any work out because I'm physically fit ( with 25 waistline ).when it comes to intimacy, I've tried everything yet he even refuse to even talk about it.we tried therapy yet he refused to go together.
A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (6 January 2011):
 You are a very forgiving woman I think and on that basis I will take this down a different route with my answer. I should imagine that your husband has got a problem, he is coming across as being very insecure, depressed, low self esteem and that's probably why he's looking at porn etc. Easy way out to make himself feel good, be a man. he may be thinking he's not good enough for you. Some of the heart tablets he is on could have some side effects that arent helping either. He really does need an outlet in his life and you could help with that, steering him into other activities other than porn. Outtings out, other interests. Whatever is in your area. As for the cheating twice,I'm sure theres another story there, but that's why i say you are a very forgiving women as many would not be still in there in that situation. He doesnt realize that he has a good woman and im sure it would destroy him if you left him. So If i were you and you still want to save your marriage i would go down the road of building his self esteem back up. Ask the doctor about the medication he is on and also make sure his health is on track.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2011): Hello I don't think begging him is the right way to go about it. Makes you look weak, and he might loose respect for you. It's like he's cheating and your sorry. I think it can be difficult to keep the sex really good. If it has become boring or it's not exciting, do something about it. Start working out, go to bodybuilding.com and get in shape check out the transformations. You will feel sexy. Here is a little secret, there are two side to a male brain, the animal side that says "we want to sleep with every girl we are attracted to", the civilized part of our brain says "right not only is that not possible we are married and we shouldn't do that". But let me tell you the desire is there. I actually believe this about women too. Trust me when you see a guy any guy, within a second you have said on a basic level if you would sleep with him or not. I think we all have urges to sleep with many people, so I think instead of fighting that understand that and know that it takes energy to keep it fun and exciting. I'm not saying go sleep with people of have threesomes, but make sex fun and watch porn together. Pretty much every guy wants the girl from the usher song, a lady on the street but a freak in the bed. Also you should open up your sex drive have open conversations about fantasies. Actually watch porno and get some sexual desires going, and then bring that energy back into the bedroom. But back to the cheating, sounds like you will need a relationship therapist. Could really help you two out. Good luck!
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