A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:She is 18 and I am 24. Right now I feel like I am raising a daughter rather than loving someone I hope to marry. She even said herself see feels like we are room mates than a couple.That being said I really don't know what to do. I have to teach her how to cook, clean, manage money, making better decisions and being patient. Through the process she feels like I don't appreciate anything she does. Today I take the day off to try to make her happy and she sleeps in bed. We were suppose to go to the DMV to finally get her ID thats needed on April 4th, and a book so she can start reading to take the test. Afterwards we have drawable wallpaper to put up in the room. I told her we can plan our life on it.I feel like I am doing everything wrong to her.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 March 2010):
 She's a teenager, still. There's a lot of growing up that happens between 18 and 24. Did you spring fully adult and mature from your mother's womb, knowing how to cook, clean and balance your checkbood? I don't think so. You learned all these things somehow. How did you do it? From whom did you learn?
If it makes you crazy to have teenage angst inflicted on you, well, don't date a teenager. Sorry for being that blunt but you are a bit blind to the obvious fact.
If she needs to grow up, you might have to let her make her own mistakes. Children learn from suffering the consequences of their decisions. Perhaps she needs some personal experience.
She might never be very interested in cooking or cleaning. Are you prepared for that?
If you are tired of feeling like her father instead of her boyfriend, then stop doing those parental chores for her. Let her fall on her face, wind up with no cash and no way to get around. She'll figure out what to do soon enough.
Do give her the heads up that you're vacating the role of parent, though, so she has some advance warning. That way she won't be able to blame the consequences of her mistakes on you.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010): I agree with marieclaire. Stop acting like her dad and let her sort herself out. If you star becoming her safety net that fixes things for her, she will never learn. And if you feel this is too much work for you, date someone more mature.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010):
If she isn't compatible with you then leave the relationship and find someone who is. It's easy, you just need to grow some balls and be a man.
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A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (29 March 2010):
 Gotta say no one likes being told what to do, ...so even tho you are doing it to try to help her, there most likely will come a point where she will get sick of it and start resenting being treated like a child. Then it is all downhill from there.
Another approach may be to just let her stuff things up and learn from her own mistakes. At least she will feel more independant within herself doing it.
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